Naughtyfications

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Friday, February 19, 2010

XXX-MEN: ORIGINS


ROBIN :- SHAMBIT AKA. A'COCK'ALYPSE




It was the best of Times, It was the worst of times.But mostly it was the worst of times but the best times were so 'Qualitative' that they nullified the worst of times.Hey gays and lesbs its me 'D', Back again to see you before your downward journey. It is that time of life when you cherish all the memories both good and bad because we'll have to move on and get with our life.Well as this is my last post, I thought I'd let you know a little more about me, 'D'.


I had a dream. An unclear vision of a renascent bird, a Phoenix to be specific. Magnificently flailing its wings on the ashes from which it had recently taken birth. A remarkable view, I was just flabbergasted. Every creature near it got engulfed in flames. The hapless beings, all perished.Nothing but ashes and smolder left of them and this bird rejoicing, itself started burning. Burning with flames brighter than our very sun. Even in a dream, I had never experienced such a feeling before. Then I understood that it was no ordinary dream, but a message given specially to me telling me to CHANGE. Change for the better into a being with unimaginable power.



When I awoke the first thing I did was look into the mirror, At the teenager staring back at me. I asked him to change and you know what he told me. He told me the same thing!! My vainglory was brought before me and I at once resolved to put an end to it. To change myself from what I became to what I should have become (A Lot of difference to be honest). Looking back with the help of the calendar, I recalled that I was not at all like this. And so I shall purge myself of all that DIRT which clogged my mind and prevented me from being 'ROBIN' instead turned me into 'D'!!



I'm fine friends for I no longer will turn your worthless lives into a disaster (Because I can't anymore) but surely I do have a truth to tell you (and its really hard to do so, but here goes...) Sam or 0.3 as most of you know him is not actually gay (Are you happy now, Sammy). I'll get to that soon but before that I'll have to apologize to him for all the things I've written about him. You might as well accept that, yourself. I'm sure you must be wondering, did something happen to me. Why I'm doing this show of good deed. Well, It is after all called repentance (For all the sins, I've committed) For those 7 sins:- Pride, Envy, Greed, Lust, Gluttony, Wrath and Sloth. For these sins I shall be punished if it wasn't for Repentance. What the Faq!! The bad part is Sam's not a gay. But the good part is that he's not a male either.The ugly part is however that he's still an obscure-androgynous-monstrosity-which-hides-under-the-feet-of-mortals-left-to-be-loathed-and-squashed creature thingy and the fact that I'm repenting is because of not being able to Blog about that anymore. As for those 7 sins, they'll have to wait (Lust can stay if she likes!!). Its too late now to write about him anymore but I am really grateful to him for being the subject of many of my Blog posts. Hearty T(h)anks  to you and get well soon. Hope Jr. comes out soon, from you or Hrithik (it's choice)!!



Speaking of monstrosities, John Glutton Berg aka Atom Bomb is said to have started his own blog with the title Pin head cheapo (more like  Pinned Ass Cheapo). But the thing about that blog is that he's shown what he's truly capable of (Eating away up to 3/4th of the posts). The debut however made me pity him really badly. Sorry to say this Atom but just because you placed "Virgin" as the title doesn't mean you are one. Its like they say "Virginity and tide wait for none", Both just zoom away. Atom sure has more than one thing to rejoice about (I hope) because this news is gonna burst his bubbles. Recently he was caught on tape getting struck by a harpoon on the bottom (ouch). Wait, was that Moby Dick..Er.. Sorry guys but both the last names are just too confusingly alike!!



I never stop at anything, it could be an overdose of cocaine or red rum or just that ephoria arousing white stuff sold at Fusion9 (Refrain from arresting them, as the stuff is really good), because I sure am in a good mood today. Speaking of Moods, I heard that our SPL has deviated from his duties. Its for the better. UFO has never vowed for chastity, So how could he? His mind is always falling for the Chiks (Birds) and Drones(Bees) who CROSS his path just so that he can CROSS with them. It's said that his favorite subject is Trigonometry because he just loves to calculate in terms of TANGENTS. But the UFO has flirted with one Chik too many. I've heard that two of his most Beloved, have left him because they suspect him to be the missing link in the evolution of 0.3, who is already proven to be the last mistress of Tiger  (talk about complexity) !!. However Experts' opinion on the contrary state that Its actually 0.3 who has evolved from UFO. They also say that no rational study can ever give us a substantial evidence of 0.3's thing's being identifiable. They also suggest that 0.3 could have evolved from Cashew Nuts, Snakes, Golf Balls and a tissue paper. It may or may not be sarcasm but in my opinion the evidence are relevant because all the above have one thing in common and that is " NONE OF THEM ARE STRAIGHT "!!


Now let me get with bragging about myself.I am a student of ALL SAINTS' and I have no regrets writing this blog because the God Damned principal of MY God Damned school cares a Damn of what the Students think.I don't regret having written anything in this Blog (That is until I get punished, But that would only be a SHOW of regret so don't get worried) !!The shuffling of our X class is really painful. How cold it is to study without close friends. Rules are meant to be broken, so I have now broken the very rule of nature. I have to confess to you that I, 'D' am not male, in fact I have no gender to begin with. You can call me sexless but that's the way I am (Trust me, Don't ever call me Sexless "mln" ) I'm sure that might have answered many of the questions ringing in your mind and other places!!


My aim in life is to wipe out the human race for reasons easily understood by you low lives, To make this world a better place. A message to Sonia (STD), Obama (ISD) and Michael Jackson (GOD) :- "World peace and the Human race don't go along that well!!" So I've put it in myself to do it alone. My first task is to ASS-ASS-inate two important ASSes of the masses, Obama and Osama. Obama, because I don't like his worthlessly stupid methods and Osama, because I want to succeed him as the harbinger of World-Pieces, because as the saying goes "Screech is Silver, Violence is Gold"!!

HUMAN, a simple five lettered word but with a lot of Potential. I mean this polygamous + polyandrous polygayist can survive without water but not alcohol, can breathe less oxygen but no less pheromones. Can fight to mate but can't fight THE mate. This organism which is said to be "Intelligent" can't distinguish between a mouse and a spouse; I mean it's so darn easy - One feeds to live, the other lives to feed. One bites the leg, the other bites the ear. One sucks cheese, the other simply Sucks!! Thus I can say that my ambition has been thought out well and any human who accepts humanity should be shot or atleast commit suicide. I on the other leg, don't and so will commit genocide, homicide and also most importantly Homo-cide!!



And before I move on, let me tell you something really important.Its regarding the tigers we've lost and not the Tiger we wish to lose. Did you know that there are only 1410 tigers left in our country? 3.28 Mn. hectares of land and only 1410 tigers to live in it. Let's do something about it. I'm sure you might be wondering where that one tiger went (From 1411 to 1410). Well let me tell you, a man's gotta fulfill his needs ( Just needed a new doormat). Nevertheless let's stop the violence because we all know that only "Copulation leads to Population!". So let's make sure we fuck them not with machine guns and instead....(You get the point)!!


You must however, agree with me on one fact, that I sure am 'Creative' (Not only procreative). I'm sure you know who the creator of Manned Cock, the super hero loved by everyone above 18 (and also the parental guidance groups). It's not that I'm proud of my creations, its just that even though their vulgarity is worse than the geisha ('Gay'sha, should call 0.3 that!!) It is however legal. I've clarified it with Mr.Khan, the policeman who helps cross women (Across the road, you think too much) and this time I started the initiative of Khilana Bandh aur Pilana Shuru (Stop Feeding them and Start Alcoholing them )!! and you know what, he were so happy that he started dancing (Out of tune, that is) but he even let me hold his gun, I know what your thinking so, let me clarify, he let me hold his 0.3 standard Al Qaida certified water pistol. So now you don't need to care about the 'A' or 'U/A' marking on my blog because now I've made it a 'F'. As for the creativity part, who else give the world ingenious Guru Nibor? Who else can create 'Catchy' phrases, taunting nick names (Not nicked from anywhere) and spicy links (0.3's, UFO's and their Mutual). It was I who proved to the world that a smile can also be Vile, Guile and volatile (Apart from not being straight) !! Maaki Truth!! You owe me BIG-time for all the time I wasted on your filthy and boring (actually drilling) life, to make it worse. A lot of hard work on you and a stupid Thanks is what I Get? - So I shall also add 'Revenge' to my demands. Also Before I remember to forget, my sincere condolences to Mohobbat Man who pissed away yesterday evening, after getting hit by a drilling machine on his mehboobs. My sorrow at present is very DEEP! And to remind you all that 0.3 is going to celebrate his mirthday with hRithik tomorrow, for his examinations are finished, the tests are also positive and he officially has L.A.I.D.(S) !!


To be honest (Which I can never be), I don't have a very likable personality. I'm just a kid next door, with whom you can never talk 'straight'. Verbally I'm a dud, because communication skills I lack big time.When somebody asks me for something, all I can tell them is "NO!" or "F@Q off". You can call me a bully but that's  who I am. I am however, non-violent but not a follower of Mr.GAND-Y who loves playing with strings (of Khadi -And calls them G-strings). I don't indulge in fights but CAN if provoked. If someone slaps me on one cheek, (unlike Mr.G who would show the other one) I'd show the hitter, his own underwear (The term is know as a Weggie). Apart from all, that I'm an open introvert and a Opti-pessimist (That didn't sound right). I'm also a Dawood in disguise, I love destroying things.And believe it or not the world would either end by my Hands or by the supernatural forces of darkness (In layman's terms my smelly feet [Quick stop breathing!!] ).


The last bit of Info I can reveal to you is the origin of my name, 'D' (With those single quotes, showing I'm not an angel). The letter D is what I've chosen instead of the other 25 because its not found anywhere in the word FUCK. Just kidding, I chose it because of two special persons who've inspired me to live my life to the "null"est : Da Vinci and Dawood. Leonardo Da Vinci, an Artist, Sculptor, Painter, Biologist, Calligraphist, Essayist, Inventor, Thinker, Scholar, Scientist (The list ends). Except Homosexual, I am everything he is. He could do everything, If it wasn't for the superstitious Ass-Wholes who prevented him. The other person who inspired the name is Dawood Ibrahim, Who taught me that size doesn't matter. It was looking at him, that I realised my aim in life (Given above) and it was Dawood who discovered GCD (Girls Condoms Drugs). And for that I shall let him live in the new world I'm going to create by genetically modifying humans into 0.3s just so that I can Mock all of them! I regret having not used, earlier, the name coined from the three (Da Vinci, Robin Hood and Dawood) to get "Da Hood" (Whattey name)!!



It is really disappointing to know that I can no longer use this blog to shame and discredit the school or stay connected to my school friends through it, for I shall soon make it a Full-Fledged World Blog. As for the whole state, I just have to say best of Fuck!! because as soon as I graduate (not I M Possible), the first thing I'll do is destroy it (So much for KCR and his 'Hole'y plans). To all the readers, feel free to comment as you like because this time I won't delete any. To everyone out there, with a heart of mold, I bid Adieu. Hope you survive longer than "My Name Is Kaun"!!



"The Final drops of tears are shed
Numbness, even in thorn filled bed,
With watery eyes and face of gloom, I pose
Because the last Day of 'D' (at school) has come really close 
:'-)!!"