Naughtyfications

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Monday, April 26, 2010

Dime-Less Tales:





AN INTERVIEW



"Wow! What a Mansion!!", Hey this is me, Sa'mule F. Smackson,...who was at the place no one would expect a person like me to go, Dawood Ibrahim's very own residence', Of course I was brought there in a black bag tied up but, I'm sure it's security measures, to preserve the hideout.But whatever it may be I was there at his house interviewing His Excellence, Sir Dawood Ibrahim, knighted by Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth, but the title was soon withdrawn by her when she found out that her Royal™ Treasury© lost 50kgs. Sheikh Dawood Ibrahim Kaskar is the head of the group of gangsters with links the world over and are called the D-Company. He was awarded the "Most Wanted Person®, India" and the "Most Deadly Criminal®, 2008-2009"of the World, both the titles were presented by the InterPol. I am quite privileged to have interviewed him, more than that, to have been in his presence, even more, at his own residence. Here's what I had asked him and what he has answered with his OWN mouth....

I started by saying "Let's first do a simple but quick Rapid Fire Round", and as soon as I said that I heard more than 50 clicks of what I thought was Ak-47's, but fortunately later they understood what I really meant."Here We Go"-

1)Nickname:
Usually People don't live long to know it.

2) Biggest Strength:
My ability to hide behind cars and bikes, I'm quite short,you see.

3)Favorite Singer:
Himesh Reshammiya, He pays me well.

4)Novel:
World War I and II, just LOVE the bloodshed.

5)Best Teacher:
Osama, He was the one who first taught me to use a gun.

6)You Love Wearing:
My gun holster, Knife case, Ak-47 case, Bullet proof vests, Head gear, Grenade case, Bullet belt, Shell Holder and all are Loaded mind you!! I also like to have the trigger of Bombs placed at the White House, Parliament House, In Man Mohan's ass pocket and also in Pratibha's *******(Sorry that I had to hide that part, but I don't think that word should exist).

7)Ambition:
Well, Everyone's praying for peace in the world, I'm praying for the world in pieces.

8)Dearest Pal:
My Pocket Rocket Launcher, The others can betray.I'd also like to add Shah Rukh and Amir, My two Dalmatians.

9)Favorite Actress:
Monica Bedi, ;-) HA ha ha hahahahahaha......

10)Favorite Sport:
ChopHead, Would you like to know how it's played?

11)Most Hated Person(s):
Whole Of The UNO. Except my agent there (Shh.)


12)Favorite Pass Time:
Free Style Shooting At Free Road Pedestrians.


13)Most Memorable Moment:
When I hacked into the Prez's(2008) PC. Wow, was it interesting!
(He then showed me things which made me feel disgusted towards Abdul Kalam. Shame on him! The trauma is unforgettable!!)

14)You're Sad About:
Having to kill you before knowing you better.. Just Kidding ?HA HA HA!


Thank You Sir, for that Rapid Fire Round,(Of Questions) now let's move on to your opinion on a few national concerns:

About Your Associate Who threatened Shashi Tharoor:

What? Nobody in my gang threatens Geeks on Twitter. A man from behind who looked liked a bouncer at Fusion9 spoke "Sir, I think it was Pappu". "Pappu", Dawood shouted, then he told me that the so called Pappu was his 7 year old nephew who was fond of Twitter and Texting, both of which Geeks adore.(A mystery has been solved but too late to save an innocent's job.Oh well, Who cares!!)


What Do you think of the invention of IPL? :
Oh, I-pill, A really great invention.... Sir Not I-pill, I-P-L. The invention of Modi of the BCCI.
"No, I don't know anything about that nor do I can! Next question--


What can you reveal about your Future Projects and Business meetings? :
I'm Off to America, on an educating trip. I'm going to the white house to teach Obama, a new face, How things Work, you know the RIGHT way to run a country!!


Sir Could you give an account of the GOOD works you have done in the bygone days? :
Ok, here's a brief account: (i) Tiger's Squeal (ii) MF Hussain's Oust (iii) Global Warming control,, By creating holes in the ozone layer to help heat escape.


(Before he could speak, I could hear a phone ring)
'Hello...' 'Oh Yes, Ayesha is taken care of !' 'She Won't trouble you anymore!'


I understood who it was and what it meant. I, being really scared had to somehow end it and get a good night's sleep to forget everything....


Sir, What do you think of this interview we had? :
Hmm... Let's just say it will Pass Away Peacefully......
BANG! BANG! BANG!


Then Suddenly I awoke as 'Robin PJ'. I thought it was a dream but understood nay when I awoke not in my comfy cozy bed but in an uncomfortable bed shaped chair on the sets of "Raaz Pichhle Janam Ka"!!!

THE END



Thursday, April 15, 2010

Ruthless AdultRated Precedent Poetry (RAPP)


* Knock Knock *,

* Who's There? *,

* 'D' *,

* D, Who?? *,

* 'D' Is The New Me! *

If you were wondering where I went all winter, then let me tell you, I was at the museum waiting for Fall (Autumn).The reason? Well I was fascinated by a certain Chiseled Sculpture of a muscular MAN who would have been completely naked if it wasn't for a green leaf on his crotch(region),And like I said,Thus 'I was waiting for Fall'!! Just Kidding!! I was actually waiting for you to forget about me,but that was not to be.Well Leave the past and Welcome the Future and All the new Pain it brings, but most importantly welcome Me,because I am back for another season of 'D'-Mail, as they say about me "Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Hum"!! Today I shall take a minute of your otherwise worthless time teaching you the essence of RAP!! It's a short Poem on 'D', in the shoes of The Grim Reaper!!

"Grim Reaper" feat. 'D'

" With deathly eyes and a dark hood,
Giving his victims no time to brood,

Coming towards you, this diabolic necromancer,
Who Moves forward like a soul-less dancer.

With only the intention of homicide;[Homo-cide]
and with only one rule to abide.

That is killing persons,only on his list,
No care of rain, snow, heat or mist.

Rich or poor, happy or sad, no difference to him,
For his game is death and name,'D'.

Da'Hood is what they call this merciless fiend,
And by the blood of the murdered, His lips is cleaned.

Only armed with a rusty sickle,
He Cuts open your bodies like spongy pickle!

Come what may but he never ceases,
He glides forward and your pain eases.

He has no emotions, no frown, no grin,
No wonder his true identity is, Robin!

Yes! I am that Dark Dread,
and Pain I will surely spread.

With a skull for a face and a body of bones,
I don't like laughter, nor tolerate moans.

All I want you to do is,
accept death, for it is TRUE.

It maybe victory, It may be defeat,
But it, you can never cheat!

Your life isn't worth keeping,
If you spend your last days weeping.

I want you to peacefully bear,
And not cry out, As if I'd care.

But I'm also merciful, For I kill quickly,
Unlike my friend, Jack the Ripper, Who's quite Sickly!! "


Yup! This Definitely means "I'M BACK!!"