Friday, December 31, 2010

The Annus that Wasn't

 Wow! What a year it's been. The D-Mail
has never enjoyed success as it has, this year. And that's all thanks to you people out there, with your palm on the mouse, as if it were a ***** (Sorry, the word got censored), and your fatty 'Ass'ids on that poor chair. Well You have seen the year too, unless you're one of those "END OF THE WORLD" blokes. Well, to be frank, it hasn't at all been an Extravagant year, but not a bad one to begin with. What we, DE-MON (French trans: de-'At' ; Mon- 'My') Lair have is a LO-DOWN of the most Interesting things that occurred in the Last year of the Present Decade. We also welcome the year of the Rabbit.

All the Astro-'loggers' and Parrot Card readers, tell D'N'A that, the year 2011 will be just like it's Representative animal "The Rabbit" - Productive, Multiplicative and all the more Fertile. It's gonna be a good year for Virgo's who will no longer be tortured with their 'Status' (virgin). But it will be unlucky for the 'Pisces' people for they will soon turn into 'Pieces'. That's all for the (mis)-fortune telling. Now let's get back to what you're waiting for.

After a tiring Year, 2010 , here's the exciting part;


He's gone no-where man has dared to. Yes I'm referring to his "Beautiful" conquests (Literally). On last count,the number was 121. The one and only Tiger Woods.FYI, Greek Philosophers are believed to have been considering a Proposal to Change their 'God OF fertility' from EROS to TIGER (What an idea sirjee.!), It would be a fitting Tribute to the Man who helped change his major Sponsors' Tag-line from "Just Do it" to "JUST DO ME"(What an achievement I say..!). He has many more achievements to his credit including that of getting one of the Costliest Divorces (Man I wish I was his Wife {No thoughts please}). From The Golf Birdie to the Real Life Birdies This man is on our list, and we're proud of it!!


There is only one person who I know has made/will make U.S Presidents wet themselves besides something called the U.S House of Congress. That man, my friends is none other that Julian Ass-hang, I mean Julian Assange. He has won many a custody battles (So many children),  been ordered to give many DNA (DO NOT MISTAKE IT FOR D'N'A ) tests and has been accused of many Offenses (You know what I'm talking about).

The reason this man of very High(Uses very authentic smuggled Marijuana) Principles and Morals(they Include dis-respect of others' Privacy : WIKILEAKS) is featured on this list is because of his ability to create a storm in Diplomatic Circles (Just the person, D-mail needs).

It is also my pleasure to disclose to you that WIKI-leaks will soon be publishing a Diplomatic cable titled "Mistresses of (Oh)bama." Rumours are that Tiger woods is set to loose his bet with (Oh)Mama! (That is the favourite phrase of his Mistress's) *Got Confused* (Oh)bama, on the number of "Pies they can eat" (What a cheeky expression for the HOLIEST crimes).

Good NEWS for all those Face Hookers , "Barf Lady Bug"(Mark Zuckerburg) the owner of The Hind-Look (FB) was conferred the honour of being the most Successful Hooker for the Calendar year, 2010. An insider was also heard calling the youngest Billionaire, an unworthy weasel, the reason he said so was, due to the Judicial complexity he faced when trying to grow opium and Chicks in his Farm-ville Farm!! But that's not why this guy is on OUR list (we're way faster than TMZ). The reason being that, now there is sufficient proof to "Nail" (What Irony, Hooker-> NAIL) the owner of Facebook in a court of Law under the 'Encouragement of Prostitution Act' enacted by the International Court of In-Justice at Prague. Not only that, It seems that Facebook receives it's funding from the Chinese Triads too. The Organisation BAHEN-KI-MOON headed by one of the most feared Mafia Warlords called COFFEE an' NAAN. The reason behind that name being, that he kills all his enemies during Coffee time or by spiking their "Coffee Beans".

(James Bond has a Rival in the "Killer-Style" Category)


"Dumblewhore called for Snake, The new Offense against the Dark Farts teacher", a famous quote from the magically tragically infamous movie (Where 'Witch' and 'Whore' are 'Good Words'). This movie has been quite a hit, not for it's story-line or screen-play, but for the 'Matured' Actors, Daniel Radcliff (A 'Now successful P**N star), Rupert Grint (Quite a Rich and Spoilt Play-gay ) and Emma "What not"son (Something Men Adore, but Lesbians Loathe). This movie had every thing a man wouldn't wish for, Witches, Bitches and a whole lot of Stitches (Violent Magic). The only competition to the Harry Platter was, at that time, "The Unstoppable", which stopped me to think, why didn't I go there!! The reason this "Inexcusable Bluff" was placed in this list was the fact that it STOLE about $125 Mn from my pocket (of that 20% belong to the Pox Office) and I need them back!!

6. DIS(Developing International Scepticism)-CERN:-

All our friends are held up at the LHC near Geneva, Switzerland.In case you lazy-asses are/were wondering what the LHC stands for.. LHC-(The) Leek's(Loser+Geek) Horniest Convention...which, in YOUR language translates to "Large Hadron Collider" .

So, what is all this hoopla "bout"..? (That's how the Canadians say it)
It seems all this drama is "bout" finding something called the 'Bitch particle' Sorry 'DOG' Particle..Oops.! I meant 'God' Particle or often referred to as the Meg's Bosom, sorry, 'Higgs Boson' matter (I'm getting clumsy this time of the year) which if discovered solves a lot of discrepancies in Theoretical and Particle Physics(At-last some knowledge gained on the D-mail). Enough with the boring stuff :P, Now I'm going to disclose something a little 'Rumbling-bee' tells me. The NEWS is that the 21st of Dec,2012 doomsday theories coincide with the 'Hole-Lighter' I mean,Collider reaching the pinnacle of it's energy producing capabilities on the same date... SO Go on, Book your tickets to Mars on ""


What's Black and White and Red all over?

Paul the octopus, after ending up in a dinner plate as an Octet Delicacy and guess what, they didn't need any fortune cookies afterwards.

But what made this mollusk so famous that it had to end up with such an honorary death? It's said that, Paul the octopus could predict the past, sorry, The Future (The past is Rajinikanth's). And this made his greedy care-taker, get even more greedier and Forced him to predict the match scores and his chances of getting laid (To this Paul showed the 'Middle Limb'). This exploitation angered the Octopus and ultimately made him commit suicide (Sushi-cide) and swam straight to Germany, where he thought his cousins, Hitler's swimming descendants would accept him, what really happened is that these relatives loved him so much that they sent him to Hitler himself!! (All hail the Fuhrer)


Jay Leno once said.."Katy Perry lost her phone today and it seems she doesn't remember where; just like her Virginity." It must have been a BRIEF experience, losing the Virgin (The suffix would be 'Mobile' and not 'ITY'). And Well, She chose India to get married in (An Irony In 'in' Itself) . It was a "Major" event, it-seems..Yeah right as if this is her last marriage(Oops..). She's got like 5 more "Botox-free" years.AS-S soon as-s(Now that's pun) that phase passes we'll see another Miscarriage...err...Mar-rage. As for her Mobile's business, well, That would be too Phony !!

That's her pic before her scheduled Botox ..


Well first of all,The total combined loss that occurred this year to the D-mail and its affiliates including the Harry Platter movie and the CWG games is pegged at 1 billion dimes according to our accountant Steep-pen Hawking. 
This year saw the likes of Hussein 'Blot' and Stephanie (Lico) Rice came to India for the Un-Common Wellth games(Oh,wait a minute THEY DIDNT COME INSPITE OF SPENDING 2,00,000 crores on the Games..). Kalmadi has been declared the Richest Scammer in this Decade's edition of the Whore's magazine. On the bright side,The Indian bookies were able to fix about 101 matches in favour of the Indians. The best thing about the event was the presence of the over-sized Blip (Which almost looked like Katty's ****) On the whole, the whole event was a Super-flop..Oh,what an HONORARY and MAGNIFICENT moment for the 'Chinese'.!

2. YO(U. S.)uck :

'Oh'bama, the President of the US. Visited India on several occasions, although we disrespect him enough, that's not why we post this. The reason we do so is to humiliate the so called (Vacuum) heads of the world. The ones who allegedly own all the economic and Political rights of the world. The alleged ambassadors of the Nu (d/k) e power. Who refuse to give Indians the boon of major energy savings (Not that I have any interest in it or anything, I'm in it for the third WW). The U.S. even exert their power in the U.N. Which is said to be an inDEPENDENT organization. What I have to give them is "mln"(I think you understand fingers). Then again, the US is definitely doing a good job in certain fields, if not all- They're said to be the people with the highest rate of 1) Divorce, 2) Gaiety (bringing down population, provided, Surrogacy is FUCKED OFF) 3) Lunatics (again a major contribution from them) and 4) Sterility (And by this I don't mean 'of Syringes'. That's right, the Lo Down parts). The US have set quite an example with their standard of living and that stupid Accent ( Whaa Dhe Fak). What disgusts me the most about the people is their attitude, I mean, How could someone with an empty TOP floor (And BOTTOM also) boast of their MIDDLE floor (no misinterpretation, "Pocket-Wealth").
ALSO NOTE : DO NOT take the mis-opportunity of watching an American participate in a reality show because, either you'll notice de-evolution OR you'll have to puke twice a second (They're a little bit of Show-Off and Most part, a Ripp-Off!!)

That's all for the 'US'e less!!


A woman of spirit, a woman of her word, a woman of CHIMPY NATURE? This activist APES no one and deals with PRIME-MATES on a regular basis. This Year however was too 'MONK'ey for her. She Allegedly married as ORANGUTAN and now has to shift 'Base' to the US ANTHROPOID Sanctuary, where they will spend their 'Monkey-Moon' among the HOWLERS, going all BANANAS AND COCONUTS over there. It seems she's taken her relationship with the ANIMAL kingdom seriously so much so that she and the GAND-hi family read just too much into the phrase- (1) "Apes-The CLOSEST 'thing to MAN-kind in the Animal Kingdom." We can only wonder which 'DIC*'tionary the family used to interpret that statement. The marriage was allegedly witnessed by many of 'Man'-eka- 'GAND'-hi's Colleagues, from different 'BRANCHES'. Whatever the magnitude, this event has made an impression on India's Natural Heritage, especially, the CAGED ONE. We just hope that their marriage lasts, and not end in divorce over a BA-BOON (Bane)!! 


(1)The Bride in her wedding dress with the Groom. (2)The Marriage Party.... (3)The Ex-GF of the Orangutan.



That's all from us this year, 2010 on the D-mail..

Looking forward to a Darker, more Perverse & Pervert than Ever, Saucier, Dirtier, More AdultRated and Of course a Crazier than ever "Annus" (I love that word) 2011.

This is the Last Adieu of the Decade :'-) !!