Naughtyfications

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Thursday, December 2, 2010

AXE-Cuse Me:

Teenage....These are the times when what I’m about to tell you (assuming you haven’t already dozed off..) will be of most help. We all at some point in our lives need to give excuses as to why you haven’t done your job or why you dozed off on an important segment of a lecture by a 'lecher'er etc... I can tell you from experience that lying is ALWAYS not the solution though personally I prefer to lie rather than blurt out some Lame-ass excuse at the spur of a moment. You see the moment you give an excuse to, most probably, your parents, they give you a look...


That look my friends is something like this...




YOU'RE NOT MISTAKEN ...THAT IS THE LOOK BARACK OBAMA HAD, WHEN HIS DAUGHTER TOLD HIM THIS...” I can’t believe it. My little sister must have put my homework in her backpack. Wait until I get a hold of her.”





That look my friends can even send a chill down the spine of an Osama Bin Laden when his mom would’ve looked at him...



Now lets get to the point... "How to write your parent excuse notes." If you’ve looked closely I’ve mentioned WRITE. Now why would I do that..? cause it’s better not to be around your parents when they hear, or in this case, read our excuse. The reason being, All you lowly and deprived kids would use this kind of English. I’m under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute me. (get my point.!!?!?!)



As the saying goes “there is an art to everything.”
                                                                   -'A'



Now to teach you how to write good excuse notes. Point wise follow these guidelines as this should keep you out of trouble.
  •       The golden rule is : Learn the usage of the alphabet and of course use your “mother-tongue” preferably to “touch” you parents' hearts...remember nothing can manipulate your parents more than “Emotional Attyachar” as they say here in the land of SCAMSTERS and COWS,  Know your subject well. The subject here I’m referring to is the topic of your note.    
                                                                 Now for example If your writing a excuse note to your teachers     (I know I’m deviating from the topic...) for being absent DO NOT "RIGHT" THIS KIND OF A NOTE.. : Please Accuse John for being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33. I know what you’re thinking... ”Accuse”..?? (Talk about confession), Dumb-Asses, the spellings don’t matter! Look the dates this whiz-kid mentions...32, 33..?? This is what I Mean when I say know your subject well.
  •            Do not use pencils or the like. Use permanent Ink markers or pens which when written leave a lasting impression, literally. Cause you know there are brothers and sisters out there who will go out of their way to get you into trouble.
  • ·         The best excuses are those which are blamed on others. I know none of you is willing to attest blame to a friend or anyone close to you but let me tell you something; all these people are around you for a reason. Either they want something from you or they have their own sadistic reasons. So get cracking and affix blame on someone. You can always make up a friend or something. As you shouldn’t be around when your parents read this, it’s fine.
    ·        
    The creation of a nearly unquestionable excuse lies at the core of the thought process of a person. The clearer you are in your mind (ATTENTION: IN YOUR CASE IT CAN BE THE KNEE CAP TOO...), the better excuse can you write or TYPE. (As Indians we must encourage the I.T Industry)
    The definition of excuse according to the Google search I just made are..
    ato make apology for
    b : to try to remove blame from.
    Here at D-mail we always prefer option ‘b’. Because you see even statistically there is a greater chance of escaping blame FOR A FAULT of yours by blaming it on someone rather than making an apology. And to add more reason let’s face it we’re all just too much of an egoist to make apologies.


    Now coming to the result of following these guidelines. As I type this, ‘D’ is busy calling up all our lawyers and a few judges ;) to prepare ourselves for lawsuits. If you systematically follow what I have prescribed earlier in this post no harm will come to you 

    (Don’t worry OUR definitions of HARM differ a LOT).

    But seriously com'mon..Just give it a TRY!!