Thursday, December 30, 2010

The D-MALE(s)

All Year long you've been witnessing the, somewhat, amazing (with UTTER modesty) posts, uniquely crafted and very much different from the other web blogs. What we, at the D-Mail, provide is a mix of humor, sarcasm, entertainment and a whole lot of Darkness (literally). We boast of providing numerous varieties of posts, each with a witty title and a distinguished 'LABEL', Like "ILL-iterature", "PUN"gent and The LO-DOWN.

The reason we've written this post is not (only) to boast and brag about the D-mail, but to tell you what goes on back stage, providing 'Quality' posts for you're mind to digest ( and occasionally puke out what is too AdultRated). This particular post, on the second last day of the year, is going to reveal (almost) all of the D-mail secrets. That's right ALMOST All of our secrets -

Here are our stories:


T'was the time of monsoon, that a young teen with a body full of raging hormones and steaming blood (A disturbed child, he was) came back home, again, disappointed with the way things work around him. He chose to battle against the oppression he had to experience by a society that didn't accept him (they were too 'gay' to accept a 'disturbed' boy). This boy swore to avenge his morale and ethics. So, he tried, at first, by trial and error methods, to observe the reactions of the so called happy people. He experimented by throwing ostrich eggs at neighbors. Scientifically observing, their expression and musically ignoring their abuses (I-Pod), Later he researched and built this Pɹofǝsıonal Blog!! As in the case of conception, nomenclature is just as essential, so the lad thought hard for a name. In his mind, he wanted a name fit for a blog that was a:

"Dais for Demented, Dark and Deleterious Deceit, With Darn Dissident and Dauntless Delving. A daily, with delinquent deluding pertaining to Death and Defamation of the Dissent. This Diffident Dude then Devised a Dashing Decree, The D-MAIL. A Dawn of the Dynamic Dimension. From the Domains of DaVinci, Dante and Dawood, rose a new Demonic Demigod, who deals as, Code name-D, or just 'D' (With single 'horn'y quotes) in short" --------------------------equation (1)


It was the millennium of rebellions, The Indian Independence movement and the Cuban Revolution to name a few. It was in this rebellious phase of human History that a soul born out of a cocktail of Teenage revolt, Dissatisfaction, Anarchy, Nihilism,and utter pandemonium rising from the dungeons of death, a phoenix took the form of one called  'A'.

Star-Year : 32 BBY, yes that's the year that this Direction-less soul took the form of  'A'.
There was only one thing that I was fascinated about, A- for Annihilation. Soon this fascination turned into an obsession. My aim then, was the 'Uplift-ment of Mankind's Intelligence to levels where even an extreme form of Intelligence(ME) would find it difficult to desecrate and denegrade (That's what we do to you - Humans). This resulted in total alienation and an Association with the darkest form of living creatures called the "Anubis" or the "Osiris. "It was during these trying times that I joined hands with 'D', and as they say....
'The rest is History'! ----------------------equation (2)

Adding (1) & (2) We get:

How They Met :

The two crossed paths during the time of  the Auschwitz, where they were assigned different missions, 'D' was assigned by Hitler himself to devise devious ways of torturing the inmates of his death camps. Anne "The Concealer" Frank was assigned the task of deceiving the latter generations with a concealed truth (What happened there was far from what Anne Frank wrote, call her's a CENSORED version,  HAHAHA) which was partly my doing.  And at the same time, 'A' was called by the Nazis to sneak up on, Colonel Claus von Stuff-in-bug, and make changes to the so called 'Operation Valkyrie', this he did, by disguising as Stuff-in-bug himself. Quite a sad fate, for those who were involved, except 'A'. That's where we met and talked about The D-Mail and it's future. He readily agreed and signed a pact which states that, '20% of the D-Mail☣  beheadings, 10% of the blood-shed and 50% of the share of the D-Mail loot is his'. And now, together we have formed the Aggressive Alliance, the Dynamic Duo, who call ourselves, The D'N'A (Derived from D & A)!!

On the whole, The D'N'A stands for a Legion of Beliefs and Ethnic, a Black hole full of detest, waiting to explode out. The D'N'A could stand for, Demons and Angels,  Davinci and Michel"Angelo", Dawood and Adolf, Diarrhea and Asphyxiation, Death and Ante-Birth. We are what you called Destruction and Anarchy, but most importantly, "The D'N'A" !! I'm sure NOW you get the point. So no more dubious darts at D and A from you inquisitive Freaks. Let's get on with the next segment.


What do you think, the D'N'A does to get ideas in their minds, Plagiarism, Suggestion or Theft?

And the answer is, NONE OF THE ABOVE. We do not fall down to your level. We are High Breed and have other methods. If I give you a detailed description of how we get our Ideas posted, It'll somehow go over your head (25 Feet over your 25 Cm head). So what we thought was give you an Algorithm
I'm sure you have read 'How To Conceive Destructive Ideas', Which gives you a glimpse of what We actually Do.

So here We go:

1) We start with a Subject, something that has to do with seriousness.

2) We twist the words, Spice the Sentences and Eat the rest.

3) The ideas we get are of Really High Level which requires an IQ of 'Isaac Hawking Einstein' (one person). So what we do is try to bring it down a bit, you know place 'boo boo' instead of "Violent Homicide" and 'grate-ness' instead of "Honorificabilitutinitatibus". We do such things to every word.

4) Then We think of a name, a witty one, yet, Elementary enough for you to understand
(Like I said 'Boo Boo').

5) When everything is done, we delve into the subject even more and make changes to get a perfect piece.

6) Then, for namesake, We bring little baby Wordswort (without a H) and make him read it aloud. If he cries out, " Waa! It's too difficult for me to pronounce!", we immediately replace the word!!

That's what happens in the D-Mail as far as idea making is concerned.
(Now don't go about and start your own blog..!!)


To end this post let me tell you that the D-MAIL is now going to post a poem about how we degrade our Viewers in Public ;)

Roses Are Bloody Red,
Violets Are Violent Blue,
That's The End Of This Deceptive Post
So Let Me Just Present A Toast , "Fuck You"!!

Now that our secrets are revealed and you, were sufficiently insulted, it's time we conceal the truth once again

THIS POST WILL SELF DESTRUCT IN 5 SECONDS, DISMANTLING YOUR PC AND PIERCING THROUGH YOUR SENSITIVE EYES WITH OUR HIGH INTENSITY LASER BEAM TAKEN (RESPECTABLE WORD FOR BURGLED) DIRECTLY FROM NASA. (If you read till here, you must know that your 5 seconds were up And If you nimrods HAVE realised that you weren't harmed, That's because we felt pity on you and withdrew our attack. It's only because we follow the motto, "If you have to (Serial) kill someone, do it manually, enjoying every shriek and w(h)ine")