Monday, November 14, 2011


The 7th sin, Pride is known to brighten up our lives in every way possible. WE're also Proud, not of our nations, leaders, Politicians or any other such crap. We're proud of ourselves, for having finished our very own E-Book. This book consists of everything The D-Mail's all about!! It's got 6 Posts by label 'ILL'iterature which will tickle your funny bones to the point of insanity. A must read for Tablet, Laptop, PC, CP (Cell Phone) and of course, their Users. Don't miss it and do share the laughs, after all THE D-MAIL is written in the color of Pride, well, Almost!!

CLICK HERE, HERE AND/OR HERE to Download the 'ILL'iterature E-BOOK (.pdf)!!

Saturday, October 29, 2011

A 'Sign'tific Rebellion

Like the Carbonari and Freemasons, the 'Signtists' were a group of people who claimed to have been running a Secret Society With the AIM of FAME and NAME :P But as you have seen (or rather NOT seen), they were unsuccessful. The people just didn't care for the beautiful signs, writings, banners etc they've designed and so they plan on a Strike. I shouldn't be telling you this, but They Wish to do so by Changing all the writings and designs of the entire world to wacky funny totally USELESS Scribbling. Well I won't tell you how, but I did get hold of some of their Plans and Prototypes and would gladly reveal them to the world claiming that it's mine. So here are some of MY deSIGNS :D





Monday, October 10, 2011

The Stayer Magazine

We are getting (in)famous by the day. Somehow I have come to the conclusion that we are actually bigger than we think we are.

I picked up a magazine today morning, and No, it was not this month's Playboy edition, It was a Pilot Globe Guide. It spoke of around 15 countries, their cultures etc, it told me why I should be visiting Country 'X'. It only spoke of the good things in one's country. This got me thinking, why is there not a single list or a lo-down, if you will, telling you why you should not be visiting a country. Well, we here at The D-Mail are known for our Crazy, insane, deranged, unbalanced, maddening, guileful, stupid, benumbed, banal and superfluous ideas. (Sorry about that. I had to use this new thesaurus I bought So...). 

Here is the latest Beadroll or Lo-Down in Laidman's terms of why I would
not (I actually cannot, Travel-Ban.) go to these countries I chose. Yes!, I love them a lot and it is out of my love for them that I'm washing their dirty linen in public...

United States of America : 

Don't get me started on US. or I'll never stop;  I'm sure you've learnt a lot about the kind of people who exist in the states, because they were the ones who CREATED the word 'Wierdo(s)' and that's because they are. Extreme lack of Culture, Rationality and don't forget IQ. From hillbillies who can't even 'Pay' attention to No Good Jerks who Sue microwave companies for not having stated that 'Microwaves cannot be used to Dry Pets'; and the sad part is, They win (Again tells us something of Rationality and Stupidity). You find more deaths in America than any other Developed Country. I can give you, in writing, that If Einsten was born in America, then the world would have been a better place (Sans atom bombs and e=mc2). Not to forget, their lust for oil is far greater than that for  the other sex. Like I said, Weirdo(s)! and also, their love for Pot. Wasn't it John Lennon who said, "Peace, Love and Pot"....

United Kingdom :

"All hail the Queen, All hail the Queen;
Firmly glued to the throne, Since the Grass was Green!".

Now, Who'd want to live in a place where there's no place for 'The King and Queen live happily ever after...'. A place where some 'unique' women like blooody mary and Elizabeth I lived and another one does. I have nothing much against the place per se..with ofcourse a few many exceptions. The Naming system is something that still either makes me laugh my Gluteus Maximus off or just makes me puke. Did you know that there are more than a thousand Mr. Browns and Mr.Whites in the UK. That's not the funny part, the funny part is that Most of the Mr. Brown(s) are White and Most of the Mr.White(s) are, well...Black. Not just the people, even places have seriously funny names. Take Middlesex for example. The name is enough to scare away all the Men and Women and what're left are the Middle sex. If you thought that's all, then I WON'T encourage you further. I WON'T advise you to go to, either Bitchfield or Locksbottom. I tell you, DON'T Go to the UK; Their Flag is called the UNION JACK, for heaven's sake, DON'T go!

Pakistan :

"Here's a bomb, There's a bomb;
Bomb-Bomb everywhere"

This Bustling.. err... Read Bursting (Literally) is full of dead(ly) terrorists. This country took a beating during and after the economic slow down of 2008. Well, Of course as some would argue, "THEY DON'T HAVE A FRIGGIN ECONOMY!" I agree, with those people. The only thing they can be proud of in their country is that they produce the world's largest number of Terrorists. Also, According to The D-Mail's Think-Tank which tanked last year, the only thing stopping the U.S from invading this country is.... Well Guess what, Oil. Big Surprise! 
BTW, You'd find many things Cheaper in Pakistan when compared to many other countries, take for example, Bombs, Dynamite, C-4 etc.. all of this and more, would help you wage a war against your Mother-in-law..  
So, in conclusion, do visit this country but only if you want to be one of the world's most wanted man/woman (Definitely NOT the other kind)!

China :

"No room for more, so please don't come!!"

They all have the same freaking names. Common phrases in their names being Chong, Wong, Lee etc. You call for Mr. .... in a public place and they'll be a whole lot of people hovering around you like a bunch of flies around food. Another thing that pisses me off about this country is that they owe everything to 'Chairman Mao'. That brings me to the question of the day, "Who do Chinese guys owe themselves getting laid too..?" Read the first paragraph carefully and you'll know what the answer is.

I do have a whole lotta "love" for other countries, but let's just save it for another time. 
On a completely unrelated note, Steve Jobs passed away. We shall dedicate our next post to him even though it will not be about him. By the way, is it Supernal (Remember the Thesaurus..?) if my iMac's battery died at the same time I heard about Jobs passing away on the NEWS..? 

Anyway, That is it for me this time.(That was intentional, do this world a favor and don't think I made a mistake typing, "That is it from me this time").Do not feel shy to leave us feedback, good or bad, preferably good, Here!

See ya'll Suckers With my Next (dis) (piss)(mis)adventure... 

Saturday, September 10, 2011

A Brief History Of Crime

Neither am I in a Wheel Chair, Nor am I the greatest Scientist of Modern times...But, I AM somebody who's similar to every nobody that nobody knew. The reason for this secrecy is however, far from Introversion. The reason is too sinister to be publicly declared, but I do have a sample here, of what we are like:

 Yo! They Called him Da Ripper, Jack
1888 da year of his Hack
bodies of 5 he slit and did slash
Dentures of em' police still gnash!

Andrea Yates, a bitch lost to dope,
her children, five, had ta lose their hope
Drowned em' all, she did in her bath
But wus Ms.Psycho sent to 'The Clink'? Do the Math!

Yo Mama must've toldya off Bonnie n' Clyde,
Couple O' fools whom em' rules neva did abide
Nicked em' Kicks, gold nuggets and cons
but love got em' Knackered, them tard morons!

Yo! We Criminals, Yo! Yo! We Criminals,
Kickin', Nickin', and Swirlies by the Urinals,
Rehab they send us, but there's no change,
But That don't make we Brotha's strange!

Mess with em' Who're Psychotic,
N' Ya'll find nothin that's not exotic,
Lest da Columbine Schoolboys hafta teach ya,
That a bloody massacre's spelled C.h.a.o.t.i.c!!

Patty Hearst, the bitch who cared,
Ma folks tell me that she wus jus scared,
Came up ta Rob a freakin Bank
Eventually gone bonkers, she just plain stank

Need I go back to the f***ed-up History?
Where the Queens themselves are Gory Mysteries,
"Bloody Mary" and Elizabeth, were not to be under
Ya get the point don'cha, If ya didn't better jus wonder!

This brings me to the point where I sing a New-Ditti (No Nu-dity), An ode to Crime and Criminals and of course, Mr.Bean : 1 2 3 4.......(Music)

"        We didn't start the Fire, It was always burning
Since the world's been Yearning,
We didn't start the Fire
No - we didn't light it, But we try to bright it;

Jessie James, Gregory Aimes, Zodiac Killer, MJ's Thriller, Captain Hook, Captain Cook; Hannibal Lector, Murderous Dexter, OJ. Simpson, Barney Stinson, 21 (Twenty One), Mossberg-gun, White Collar, Boodle Dollar; Crack Coke, Weed Smoke, Al Capone's frisky Stoke! 

We didn't start the Ire, It was always burning
Since the world's been Spurning,
We didn't start the Ire
No - We didn't ignite it, But we try to trite it;

Baby Face, Two-Face, Poker-Face, Joker's Face :~D ; Kobe Bryant, Saddam Tyrant, Alcatraz, Looney Tazz **** Grab, Back-Stab; Elmer Fudd, Veena Sud, Prince John, Pokemon, Billy the Kid, The Llama Hid, Satyam, Pelham, Meth-Head, Toy-Lead, Downey Jr,  Kelly Ned!!

We didn't even Inspire, It was always learning
Since the world's been Churning,
We didn't go to a choir,
No - we didn't Invite it, But we try to Excite it;

We didn't start the Fire, It was always burning
Since the world's been Yearning,
We didn't start the Fire
No - we didn't light it, But we try to bright it!!          "

BTW, The above New Ditti is not inspired  from the below nudity(just jockeying)


Monday, August 15, 2011

WWE, What's In A Name?

The World Wrestling Entertainment (earlier WWF) was one show that shook the Entertainment Television Industry. But what really amuses us about this program, I'm sure, is NOT the bloody head-butting or butt-gutting; But in fact, the Naming System. Ring names of the Wrestlers have received more attention than the real names themselves. And that inspired us to create this post. Let's look at the 5 Wackiest Ring Names of WWE wrestlers that can change your perspective and also their allegiance!!

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Why I don't believe in The Evolution Theory

After long Butt scratching and Yawning, We've finally decided to continue the posting. The D'N'A were wondering what to put up for the Hiatus-Breaker and after a long while we got the idea of this little 'Pun'gent on the Evolution theory.
  (Disclaimer: We did NOT get the idea out of butt-scratching!!)

Don't Forget to Like our Facebook Page, that'll keep you up to date with all The D-Mail happenings. check out !!

Saturday, June 18, 2011


Believe it or not, here at the D-Mail, we believe in complete transparency (possibly, why we have no ladies over here). Hence, we shall share with you some important information about the blog. Now you all know how the Global Economic Meltdown has effected all of you. Fortunately it didn't effect us. But, we all know that THE Barack Obama (The Most Powerful Man on Earth A.K.A Black GO(l)D) has plans for everyone. He did have one, for us too.

Ever since Osama's death our businesses have taken a huge hit. There has been very less inflow of green stuff (the other kind - Cash) since 30 Navy Seals (Referred to some as the Super-30, also, The Infidels, like 'The Expendables') attacked him and killed him (Or did They?). Anyway, Since it has been difficult to maintain many of our assets [Shaving Creams are getting costlier ;) ] We decided to unload a few of them. And Hence, after hectic consultations with many people, mostly consisting of Teddies (Mr.Bean's's descendents), we decided it was for the better if we Partially Shut-down The D-Mail. This Shutdown, while being partial, will not result in the complete cessation of activity on the blog. You can always go through the Old posts etc. Anyway, For those of you who DO NOT want to know the reasons for this Shutdown, Read the Following.

We Are NOT Shutting Down because....

  • Lady Gaga is planning to visit India and we hope to watch her especially, being bald.
  • A Couple of Metal Birdies Crashed into our offices at the Banana Republic.
  • 2012 Is getting close and We're planning on the proceeds to end the world.
  • Justin Beiber acknowledges rumors about her Pregnancy with Selena Gomez.
  • Facebook may be about to shut down and we intend on Revenge.
  • And Most Definitely, We didn't intend on Shutting down because of, the coronation of a homonoid called William Arthur Philip Louis (The one in the middle of Middleton).
 Anyway, looking forward to see you soon, again.So until we meet again, I expect you would have used the RANDOM and RECOMMENDED POSTS buttons till the brink of their extinction. Also Last but not the least, The Legacy of The D-Mail shall continue forever, so don't even dare to change your allegiance to us!!

Hasta-la-vista, Bitchy Dogs. 

Saturday, June 11, 2011

The Great Indian Politricks (True Politics) !!

I have a dream....”, a famous speech by Martin Luther Jr. was like silver to Americans and Mankind alike (no distinction intended). But as silver as the message can be, In India however we prefer the Golden part of the proverb – Silence. Politics has been a much talked about and much silenced about topic all across India. We have tons of dailies yapping crap about this politician or that. As it is applauded for, it is also tabooed in some minds. Some Educated Bumpkins feel that it is wise not to get involved in the cut-throat (literally) politics of India, But we @ The D-Mail think otherwise. For it is wiser to run ourselves than let someone who can't even thumb-print their name, do so. My appologies to all those whom I have/ or am going to Humiliate/Insult/Unpant/Unskirt/Shame/Defame and also not to forget Mystify. I shall warn you, this post is gonna be slightly longer than the others, but entertaining in every para. So we welcome to you or rather welcome you to the Super Sly World of....

During the Medieval times, kings and emperors used to own vast areas of productive land which were rented out to the people, who lived peacefully and with fraternity. If these so called emperors were made to observe the present properties of Babus (Politicians), then they'll understand the importance of War and Bloodshed!

The average heads per Km. is 200, let's calculate that of the politico's lands:
10 Km. vs 3 members = 3/10 = 0.3
This diminutive number truly turns our national shame diminutive.

Everything has a Price. Period. You just need to know the number and even lions start squealing like rats! Competition helps you improve? Damn! If improvement means that of killing competitors, then India is surely Developing!

It is a true fact that the funds reached by a target (social service) organisation is inversely proportional to the number of ministers/officers heading it in hierarchy.

"10% Rule" explains the above statement, very clearly...
Suppose there are 10 ministers assigned a particular organisation's undertaking, and the funds directed is 10,00,000 units, then...

The numbers indicate the position of the minister. We see the higher politicians with the max CUT and the others reduce UNgradually. In the end, the amount received would be only 100.0000 units. The number of zeroes are the same but the relief actually received is pathetically low. Hey! look on the bright side, atleast the lower (4) politicians learn to share, Or maybe Not! That explains the variability of the real number of lower politicians...
Bullies, they say, are actually loners craving a place in the society. But such a place that the society itself becomes the victim, is sad enough NOT to be ignored! Never anticipated by the Scholars-of-Old, maybe they did and didn't care because, It was not them to be paying the price, but Us, the Scholars-of-New misusing the scholarship of the Voter-Id card for monetary benefits. Corruption in politics has taken such a lowly turn, that the GNP - Gross National Income is a sub-multiple of the PPP - Politicians' Private Pocket.
Ramchandra Guha once said that 'Being a Wicket Keeper (Cricket) is harder than being a Prime Minister (PM) of a coalition Government', Well Mr. Guha, You've unscrupulously insulted the Wicket Keeper. Because, Firstly, all a normal PM does is give orders (To Execute) and as for the coalition part, all he HAS to do is, again, give orders (To Execute). Indians have humiliated India, but set standards for world politics.

If you wish to become one among them, then ask yourself, "Do I have the Influence and Connections?", If your answer is NO, then flip coins and wait for one of them to fall on it's edge. If your answer is YES, then Please DO read and assess yourselves through these requirements of a REAL politician!

The 8 Requirements of a Politician are:

8) Must have atleast 3 professional, 5 unprofessional and 35 secret Body Guards and Henchmen to do personal deeds.

7) Has to know the way to dress up Dictatorship with Democratic Pants and Republic Undies.

6) Must be involved in atleast 2 national scandals or 1 International scandal. Extra points if it's Tiger-Woods Style!

5) Needs to know his way around the cities, lest he gets Found.

4) Must be able to provide Steady Flow of cash to Activists, Policemen and Judges.

3) At least one account in the Overseas "Privacy Respecting" Bank, must be possessed. Swiss ones are the latest fashion!

2) Must never get caught in a murder case. If you are, you deserve to be only the Chief Minister of a state and not anything better.

1) Must keep a mouth Open to Public Opinion and fist Closed to Public Welfare. 

Always remember, We have nothing against the present politicians of India or their allies. Our grudges are never partial, but they are directed towards ALL the politicians, Old and Older; and the other kind. The Banana Republic (Our residence) has two faithful citizens who are more than willing to do the above functions, Yours Truly(s).

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Smile for miles

Monday, May 23, 2011

From Ships to Beans....

Welcome aboard the newest ship S.S. Ann-Oye. The cruiser meant to Ann-oye anyone willing enough to board it. I'm the captain, Cpt. Jack's Marrow. What we have today on The D-Mail is a whole lot of fun to all those ready for it but remember, DO NOT try to make sense out of the following post, if you absolutely need to, Have two dozen aspirin flavoured paracetamols ready!!

People these days don't try out ships as much as planes and trains, reason: Titanic. Damn ass-olds!Did you know that the average ice-berg actually consist of meteors and alien DNA? I didn't know that, on account of, I just made that up. Why do you think this kind of posts still exists in our Blog, "The D-Mail". The answer would be, YOU!! With your pea-sized brains and your pint-sized eyes and your awfully 'all thumbed' hands, you people never give us feedback. Here we are working our asses out and making perfect every post (Read: Try. While you're looking up the dictionary, also Read: Homo-cide {can you? I don't think so, because such perfectly composed new words can only be found in The D-Mail}) and you people take pleasure from the posts but choose to ignore our feelings. We are people too, of course, we boast of not being humans and not being constrained by laws and rules, but we sure do have feelings. And my feelings tell me to quit The D-Mail, but still I continue, for all those who still view it, for I am a true humanitarian ( just like Vegetarian, Non-vegetarian; Humanitarian, on the same lines). Speaking of humanitarians, It was really unfair for Osama and, treacherous on the part of Obama. After all he did for the world, after being the only person who could stand up to bUSh and keep him straight and active all-term-long. A final salute to his deadlideadness, Mr. Osama bin Mohammed bin Awad bin Laden. R.I.P (Rest in Pieces)!

If my informant can be believed, USA is losing it's super power status and the real power is being shifted to the Caribbean, Reason: A certain drunken loopy-loony pirate, my nemesis, who has actually found the Fountain of the Wine of Sobriety (WTH)! My informant can never be right, possibly, because his surname is Depp (meaning: maladroit). BTW, I've been playing the wonderful game Project: I'm Going In (PIGI) and for the past eight rounds of ammo have been admiring the perfectness of the game. I mean to say that, where ever you shoot, you get the appropriate reaction and response of the pain. And as I said, 8 rounds of bullets and the bots' couldn't get their hands off their crotches, not that they have anything REAL around. But the sound effects and the way they kneel and die is truly inspirational, instead of making me a "TOP NOTCH SNIPER" its turning me into a "BOTTOM CROTCH BANGER" (no offence).

"I'm coming close to the end about now" said the ugly-old-bat-hitting Mr. Bean and I'm going to quote him, or rather I already did. I've been despired (opposite of inspired) by the above character for a long time. He's one hell of a buffoon. If you don't agree with me here, then the next senselessly long statement will make you agree with me, 'Mr. Bean is a lonesome loon who lives with his teddy in a land where banging the queen (with the head on the head; 'headbutt'ing is more deceptive ) and 'being immune to electric discharge in such an unusual way that all TV's and Electric devices go gaga over him' is considered quite normal and common; We have a whole lot of stale oyesters ready to be mixed with ENO in the tummy and a BLONDE lady obsessed with him in such a way that she confuses him to be normal enough to give out mixed signals that she wants a diamond ring, pointing at a PICTURE of it, while Mr. Bean is not confused but convinced that a lady of her stature and material would require that very PICTURE, of all the jewellery in the JEWELLERY store for Christmas.'

Ladies-fingers and Gen*talmen (oops), lets make it clear that the above long sentence is a grammatically correct sentence. If you think not then you'd know that "Wren & Martin" are crying out from their graves in vain. I am never Rong ( may be Wrung but never wrong). BTW, If you want to know more about english, then might I suggest, the previous 'Stochastic Envisages' post will do!! This is 'D' taking his leave, after a seriously large dose of Heroine (See I'm so High that I mispell and add Vovules *hick* I mean Vowels, where they don't belong).

Hugs and Kisses (For Females Only): ***...

Monday, May 16, 2011

The Vigilante : Legend of a Shag-gy Dog

New York 2011, midnight, Two dark strangers meet together to deal with their arch-enemy, they plan of hideous veggies and slushies. They want out of all the oppression and double crossing (colloquial). As they plan out in the dark confines of an old abandoned barnyard. One of them lights a cigar, as the ashes dropped to the ground with a little bit of spark still in them, their argument gets heated, CRASHES a figure through the already broken window and slips behind some barrels, tripping a few. "Caine? Here? Damn you", says one of the thugs and reaches for his gun. Before you know it, Caine with his shaggy built pounces at him and pummels him SMACK! CKUF! till he bleeds. The other villain of this story takes his Cutlass (Cut-Lass, lol) and waves it, either scarily or scared. SLIT! and few drops of scarlet Diabetic blood drips. The man hurls the hero towards the door and there he lies in excruciating pain (Caine in Pain, ha). By this time the gasoline from the dropped barrels has flowed towards the sparks and SSA!, flames are conceived and evolves due to two fuel sources (liquid and gas). An explosion thrusts our hero towards the open, outside the barn, Safe, or atleast safer than the other two who probably have vaporised. "Well that teaches those Ogres to deal with an Enemisfortuner" says Caine........

Enemisfortuner ( or rather Enemisfortunia)?? That's the only special ability this Super hero possesses. Though this only ability would be dishonour to his logical and computing mind. 'Enemisfortunia' is the supposed special ability of causing bad luck to your opponents. Quite a fruitcake this hero is. And would you believe me if I told you he is a dog? He is! a Shaggy Dog indeed! Let me give you the history of this mangy mutt.

(Drum Roll) FLASH BACK (Drum Roll) 

His birth, though is unspecified (of course it happened :P), Caine was brought up in a pet store with 5 other cuter, smarter and more attractive competing bitchy dogs. He was given a very unique and unorthodox name for a dog, 'TOMMY'. One day, it so happened that a bitch-like-witch-like-woman came to the store looking for a dog to experiment on  ( possibly bewitch). She didn't care for cuteness and so she put her hand forward to lift Tommy, the others couldn't accept rejection, they pushed away Tommy. But the Witch was adamant, She caught hold of Tommy and as she was lifting him, Tommy was annoyed and bit her finger. Her ring (along with the digitus me´dius or middle finger) slipped and slid through Tommy's throat. Now this witch who could no longer express her non-violent anguish at the society, raised her other fingers to cast a spell. A few feet away, the care taker who was taking care of the supposed pet Python, slipped on a banana-slug (eww!) and shattered the glass. 10 SECONDS and The python was stuffed (7 bodies full). It so happened that by the time the python had swallowed Tommy's competitors, he was full and Tommy's body was spared.

Tommy lived through the streets, eating rich food falling from shopaholic and chocaholic victims to his jinxed ring (technically victims to lawless NYPD drivers) and drinking ale straight from collapsed owners (lawless NYPD drivers). During his loafing and travelling a few years later, In Massachusetts, an old Woman living near the MIT building, who was walking by, fell into a Manhole (Irony!) and was never found again. And so it happened that Tommy found a new place to stay, the oldie's. MIT students who visited the place realised that the dog was not normal, It was not only cute-enough but also solved math sums. One of The students was Ill-Will Hunting, a really lazy and shrewd lad, who gave Tommy all his home work and teased him. Though in later times, we see Mr.Hunting affected by Cerebral Palsy due to a paper cut at a sensitive area, the other students befriended Tommy. They called him  'Eniac', for his ability to compute or rather Super-Compute. Eniac lived a very happy Kingly Play-dog life, alone at the mansion and now with multi-species friends.

As he was travelling through the unlucky gullies, a group of cruel scientific minds kidnapped him and kept him at their research centre, a place where cruel things happen to innocent creatures. A place where Winnie the pooh (pooh = faeces :P) was restricted honey, where Babe is not a shepherd-pig but shepherd-ham, where Garfield is cryogenically frozen and awoken only on Mondays. The worst of the worst, and further worst, Eniac was made to do Gymnastics and Yoga, and not Math (Oh The agony!). He did however learn the Old-Dog Tricks like Jump, Roll-Over and Play dead:

Jump - At Heart Patients and pregnant Pedestrians
Roll-Over - Stray animals adding to road kill or 'test subjects'
Play Dead - While the inquisitive people are pick-pocketed

Of course, the potty training took time, since there weren't many flushes attached to doors and windows. His other talents were misused by the scientific minds. Like, his super computer brain was used to calculate the angle and distance travelled by a potentially dangerously smelly Yellow Water balloon, the surface of a house to be 'TP'ed (Toilet papered) and his enemisfortunia was used against Attention seekers in the form of manholes.

Eniac was not disheartened by any of this, As he was made to do the unspeakable yogic posture, Smoochasana, something unspeakable happened, A banana-slug (eww!) from outside fell on Bugs Bunny's Broccoli (Call PETA!) and he puked straight on Pooh's head who's clumsy ass fell on Babe's Roasted Ribs which disrupted Garfield's freezing contraption and Garfield defrosted and awoke giving out a yawn of relief. All the animals were bewildered and they smashed their way out of Captivity, Even our hero, Eniac. That was the day he swore vengeance on all the thugs who spread evil, To avenge all the banana-slugs that have been eww-ed, To murder and mug all murderers and muggers. That's the day a Vigilante was born, a dog who was now experienced in Closed-Combat and trained in embarrassing PDAs. The Yogic ASSana's would definitely come in handy, so will the special magical smelly ring that has been working offstage, in the bowels of a new Owner. This Vigilante named himself CAINE, reverse of ENIAC.

(Drum Roll) FLASH FRONT (Drum Roll)

That brings us back to the continuation of our initial para. The two dark strangers in question were the partly digested (PET STORE) Owner and a partly Paralysed Ill-Will Hunting. Sadly Neither of them survived the blast, however cops did find a little piece of roasted Babe. And so we have a safe and indestructible Shag-gy dog who's success rate is more than that of Hugh Hefner's getting laid (to rest) ! A hero everyone can look down upon. A disgrace to the canine society but a hope for all mankind. It's like Caine's imaginary pet Andamani used to say "With great Chance comes great Productivity". And so Caine lived happily ever after, having had his revenge and procreated enough strays which have unreasonable vengeances of their own against the society (Read: Year 2012).

To all those seeking morals and Family Values, I suggest you read something else, like "ImPERVious". But as for this moral-lessly diabolically meaninglessly insane story,

 That's All Blokes!!

Tuesday, May 10, 2011


What's up with this world? Has it all gone filmy? The D-Mail just can't stop, but predict the happenings using their super Human Angelo-Demonic fortune cookies. so sit back and get a taste of your newspaper of tomorrow, today!