Naughtyfications

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Sunday, January 9, 2011

(M)AD-Venture


" Why are they called Ads, when all they do, is divide your interests (all of them) ?! "
- Baba Randi
How many times have you been called - "Fool, Loon, Rascal, Dumbo, Bimbo, Ass, F***er" ; in such a way that it made you feel that, 'It was such a kind gesture'??
If it never happened to you, I'm sure you're viewing this blog from inside of your mouse hole (I would have used another word, but that would just make me sound like one of those ads)
No matter where you are, they find you, whether it's the local sports channel you're watching, MTV (Ads on Bieber's Virginity) or the occasional 'F'TV (Ads on lingerie) OR once in a red moon, Discovery (when you Discover Mom's coming). The point is you find Ads EVERYWHERE!!
But the horrifying thing I saw last night (I wasn't searching for something in particular for YOUR information) which made me Condemn ads:
While I was browsing through random channels, I happened to find more than 20 channels DEDICATED to Ads, From 10PM to 10AM, then there was a break, which then gave way to more ads from 2PM to 10PM. Here's the programme list for those channels:
10PM : Telebrands
12AM : TeleMall
01AM : HomeShop17
03AM : TeleMart
05AM : Our Sponsors
07AM : TeleWise
09AM : Choice Pay
10AM : More TeleShit.........
Now you understand what my point is!!
No wonder they call it the IDIOT BOX these days. There are all IDIOTS in them trying to sell IDIOTS what they would never need, even in a million years.
Like the one I saw yesterday...
SUPER School Bag:
"Which comes with 8 compartments and 12 Zippers. And a whole lot of freebies, like 10 pencils, 12 pens, 14 erasers, 19 Wax candles, 25 sheets of paper, 46 match sticks ( & not boxes) 86 crayons.......Now tell me why will you need SO MUCH junk that can't even fit in those worthless 8 compartments.
Will you fit in somebody's carcass or will it be used to keep the Box that comes with the bag? And why the F*** would you need 12 zippers? All I have to say to such a bag is "Douche Bag"!!
'EVIL EYE' Deflector :
I don't exactly know what it's called in English, but that word is my understanding of the thing. So in the intro, we have a man banging his head on the wall (Of course, he's not listening to Bieber). And there's his wife, all hot and exhausted (unlike her husband, who's all banging along). So she asks him what the problem is and he says, it's that "All his appointments have been canceled and he's going bankrupt". Now instead of asking him whether she could help, here's what she said, "I think it must be that someone put the 'Evil Eye' (Drum roll please) on you". And then there's the hot host of the show telling us that this could happen to you (Yeah right, Only in the next big bang) and she shows you an eccentric sphere shaped blue thingy and some animated lines around, which should have represented it's force field, but all it could do was represent a few animated lines.
Now Am I supposed to be Awestruck by this kind of crap they sell? Am I supposed to even care. The answer is on the banging fellows face (ie., before his wife comes in and ruins the show)
But there are certain weird things which can (a small percentage o.ooooooooooooooooooooooooo1) be partly useful to you, but I still despise Ads, don't forget that:
BATHROOM REMOTE :
Have you ever been to the bathroom (Doing everything that's done in the bathroom) late at night and then the next day you notice you've left the lights on, or your tap is leaking (when I say YOUR, I mean you Bathroom's) or you left you dog inside (OMG what were you doing!!). Now wouldn't that be awkward if not Wastage (Including the dog). Would you then not want a device, devised specially for that Occasion! That's precisely what this Remote is made for. A fully functional remote which has 35 buttons each customized by YOU. It reminds you of what's left inside or what taken from inside. Tells you if you have AIDS (doesn't tell that you DON'T have it), measures your measures and compares with the standard measures (It SERIOUSLY measures EVERYTHING). Some of the Remotes are With Pre-loaded features such as, Flush operator, Mood-wise Lighting (You know what I mean), shower controller (with 3 options: Hot, Cold, Sewage, the last one for the dog/bitch You see in the mirror). Well It's the most extra-ordinary experience to have such a thing, So much Better than alcohol, that reminds me, The latest features include The Beer Maker® V9.2.
Well THIS I advice, but again about the Ads, I tell you, They're monstrous.
Some of the other junk on TV are the: walking stick fitted with GPS & WIFI, A bed that can be folded into a Pillow, A glass that can store air, A bike that works on nothing (of course it's working is "nothing", a show piece), Geyser that can give you super heated water of 1000°C (which satisfactorily reduces weight, volume and Time), A cradle that doubles as a foot stool,..........The Ad-World is indeed Innovative.

You could really go mad if you had to watch all of those Ads. Most Victims of AD-Syndrome showed signs of Fatigue, Paranoia, Addiction and Sterility, Some have even reportedly tried to memorize every ad on the box. The result : They now work at GOOGLE, as the C.E.O.s (Chiefs Electrocution Obstacles) and Chair-Men (Literal Meaning). If you want to end up like them, I shall not discourage you, You get a good half digit salary, perks like free burn-heal and a special parking spot (you know between the Compound wall and Floor).
      The above is a product of a group called 9 Stars, supposedly mocking a washing powder 

Don't take heed to Ads but most importantly don't F***ing watch such channels which telecast them. Make ample use of the "Child Lock" to prevent the fragile minds of Adults (and children) from getting trashed!!
That's all for this (M)AD post, it wasn't meant to Entertain you, The above was 100% Educational and As we speak, Schools and Colleges are Begging me on the phone to give them more, So If you'll excuse me: 
"Hello, Yes Mr. Bush, No, I didn't piss in the bush yesterday, It was my dog. Yes, Yes,
Yes I do have an opinion on which ads to watch: Any Advertisement that gives you everything it promotes for FREE, also a 'FUCK ALL ADs' sign-board free with the FREEBIES they promote!!" 
 *CLICK*