Sunday, January 9, 2011


There’s a background story to why this post appears on the Death-mail or in-fact every post that appears on this soon-to-be-world-famous blog. On February the 29th in the year 2010 a guy came up to me in my OFFICE (What did you think the World trade Centre was..?). Anyway what this man said made me think... :P. He came into my cabin evading security which consists of former KGB agents and of course our very own CIA and the Mossad, armed with one of the most sophisticated weaponry that anyone could find and headed by none other than ‘D’ himself.

So what essentially happened was that, this guy came up to me objecting to some usage of words and references to living/dead people in our posts. I replied vehemently denying these allegations saying that such reports are fabricated and “Politically Motivated.”(Learned something from our Indian Politicians specially ‘Kal-muddy’ or Kalmadi if you will, whom I met at a party in Monte Carlo...Anyway we’ll come back to that later). Well this guy was some kind of journalist and as is with all journos this guy/gal (More like a Transvestite I think) was not satisfied with the reply I gave and THREW A SHOE AT ME.

Usually I do not get physical considering my build (very skinny); it would not do well to that guy ;-). I learnt a move while watching Star trek and decided it was time I implemented it and I did, with absolutely Flabbergasting results. By this time the security was alerted, The Bouncing bouncers and ‘D’ had also come by. In the following moments ‘D’ calmed me down (I was bleeding.. : P) and I kept asking him to call 000 (That’s the 911 or 108 of the Banana Republic, our current location) which, he didn’t do BTW. At the ending of this Unfortunate incident (Only for me) that journalist calling himself Pagal "Pucking" Patrakar said to me and I quote...”Shove that BLACK shoe up your BLACK ASS.”

Well this was the last straw, I couldn’t take any more so in haste and the confused/dazed state I was, I replied saying.. ” I’m BROWN, you Moron!!” I know you all think I should have ripped his guts out and fed them to our very own Rabbits and Deer. But, I’ve changed (Took me roughly 8 mins). Suddenly, I became this Non-violent person I’ve always dreamt others would be, so I could slap them how many ever times I wanted to. I decided to forgive him and let him go, after all if an influential person like ME wouldn’t do it, who would besides Osama…I mean…. Mahatma Gandhi.

Now coming to the real deal in this post, If you recollect (which you won’t) or re-read this whole thing again and again until you’ve by-hearted this post until here, you will remember that Pagal Patrakar called me BLACK (I DO NOT want to refresh your memory on what he said exactly…that’s why the vague reference).So, this is what has been taxing my hugely Un-popular brain.
Does Racism still exist? Does it still haunt us? Is there racism in almost everything we think of? Are specific products/consumer goods developed/produced only for a specific community or caste, creed? From the way I see it, the answer to all those questions asked above is an emphatic YES. There are lots of reasons which have influenced my opinion on this very SHITTY & "DARK" subject I chose to write on. Now in case you un-informed or illiterates are reading this post (the 2nd category being the Minority), this is specifically how I have come to this conclusion.
Have you heard Michael Jackson's 'Black or What'..meaning 'Black or White' ? If you haven't then you're a douche-bag. For Gods-sake he's a dead man, and a LEGENDARY example of Racism in it's crudest form! So stop joking about him and go listen to his music. (Now you should say to me.. "Look who's talking!";

First of all, I logged into my Facebook account and wrote something against Justin Briber (Beiber). In-case you were wondering why that is included in this post… Just to increase the number of Friends I have on Facebook, in other words, it seems very sociable to my Girlfriend who nowadays goes by the name of Natalie Portman, BTW, She’s a con-woman (I’m obsessed with Mystery). I don’t know why I wrote that, but nevermind.

I recently read a NEWS paper article which was about condoms (We’ll refer to them as “Condiments” from now on) being produced in Switzerland for 12 year olds in an effort to reduce the number of teenage pregnancies (FYI, by the time you read this my application for a VISA to Switzerland will be accepted). Now a question comes to my mind… Why aren’t there factories in Asia which do the same..? Is it because Asians have smaller junk (the all important MALE part) compared to their African and Caucasian counterparts!!??!! I think Hell yeah. God had an agreement with the Africans and the Americans. In the ensuing agreement the Asians got the boon of Computers, specifically geeky Indians and the others…. Larger junk. This is racism manifested in its highest and most grouser form.

But the Men/Woman equality differences have considerably gone down. The reason is a mental disorder and DIS-Orientation called homosexuality, which has filled the gap. These days it's not the women who fear of 'being outdoors at midnight'. The f**king R*pers have apparantly changed their gender and go for men (I still don't get it!!) Haven't you heard about the case in China where a man was the victim. Also heard that he didn't even get pregnant (What's the use of all that hullabaloo)!

{According to the latest dictionary by the R.B.I. (Randi Baba Institute) of English(men gutters) }

DISCRIMINATION:/dɪˌskrɪmɪˈneɪʃ(ə)n/noun : 'Discrimination' is that whore who chooses whom to hook up with and takes 120% from the minority and only 60% from the majority. Even though she knows that the majority may not all be requiring her/his services either due to the fact that they've lost interest OR that they think Whores are minority too (Which I strongly disagree upon, And in my opinion the Discriminating Majority are themselves Whores).
Sorry for the Filthy language above, but I just couldn't be Racist on a certain few Words, could I?! :P.

Another form of dividing people is, on the basis of their size, especially women. Come to think of it... Women and their obsession with size zero. What is it with them..? Did Adam ask Eve to go on diets, watch how many calories she’s taking, etc? No. Then why this illusion among women that the thinner and skinnier they are, the more favorable or noticeable they will be (Ha! What an Oxymoron)?! In a related incident, in the year 2007 when one of the Pirates of the Caribbean series of movies was being released I incidentally met one of the world’s skinniest and thinnest women, Kiera Knightly. Man, was she thin or What! Even that magic Shoe Lace (I think Mirror.. never-mind) from that Harry Potter (or some story which I don’t remember) says the same. I mean REALLY, she could pass through the sewage filter anytime (Not that I want her to or anything. Or Do I? )!! In conclusion it is our sincere request to all those women/girls who read this, that they should stop going on diets, fasting to fit into a dress you recently bought and the like. (The above request is only for the sake of saying it, so that no feminists start slapping me in public or in "The Private.")

There’s more to some things than meets the eye. Almost all the things we see or feel have something racist in it. YOUR whole human society is based on the concept of racism.

NOTE: All the while I was writing this post, I was under the influence of Poppy and Opium from the Badlands of Afghanistan. They know how to farm, believe me. What I am experiencing is just the start of the drugs taking their effect I’ve been told Or was it that I'm going to Die? Oh MAN! (see there's Racism again) I Gotta have a Checkup done.

BTW, FYI, there will be sequels to this post.

ADIOS AMIGOS (Again, Racism)