For Centuries people have been trying to stretch, twist, bend, transform, crop and sometimes even eat the truth. Unfortunately no matter what they tried, it comes under the category of Lies...
PERFECTO-LIAR-COCK. THE LEGEND;
Green underlines the Characteristic we're blabbering about. Purple is what the geniuses think happens when a person lies. Orange is what your supposed to do in order to become the perfect liar.
According to the rocket scientists, one doesn't make eye contact when you speaketh thy lie. Now the solution to all the problems are kind of home-made, so you shouldn't expect anything different here too. Whip out ye Sunglasses plebeians. All these years you've ignored this accessory. We have all seen celebrities wearing these thingies all over town. Now why do they wear it..? For the simple reason, You can't see shit through sunglasses from the outside so, therefore there is no question of shit..er..I mean, eye-contact. Now go on mayte, whip out ye sunglasses and wear them all over town. But if at all, you're in an interrogation room (Police or Mafia), and they seize control of all your belonging (yeah! all of them) then the only way to prevent a person from detecting your lies is by telling him you're a squint. Don't look at the person's eye but instead look at his assistant / secretary (any hottie) beside him. The technical term would be 'Ogle' but, no one will know, I repeat, NO ONE WILL KNOW!!
Facial Expression :
You maybe complementing the girl you've taken out on a date and of course, we never like the ones WE take out on dates, we always fancy the ones with the OTHER guys. So, now you're complementing the girl and she notices your facial expression and that's the give-away. You don't mean, what you are uttering, you're only 'uttering it' for the sake of 'uttering it'. The Solution to the facial expression problem is not easy. One that is not a home remedy of sorts. Certainly you cannot go around covering your face with a mask. The solution to this problem is look towards your woman/man, stare deep into their eyes (right into their Optical Nerve), make them feel your love (Not Physically), maintain strong eye-contact and when you feel the moment is right, ask them for their dermatologist's number. now go on and get yourself a BOTOX. Nothing else will do :( !!
This is the last trick in the lie detectors 'Bag-o-Bullshit'. When they sense you're trying or are already lying then they will initiate a sudden change in topic which they think you will willingly follow. The Trick is to, NOT fall for this one, for this is the final hurdle. Whenever you lie you should be on your highest plausible alert, looking for signs or things they are trying to beat you to. At some point in time during the conversation there will be an attempt made to change the direction of the dialogue. Resist it, Strongly. If the other person insists then fight him. Bollocks! I don't care if it gets physical but never change the topic. Remember that scene from the movie 'Dark Knight' when the joker is brought into a room thought to be dead in a bag. What happens after that...!?! The Joker Rises from the dead, literally, holding a pocket knife against the Black guy's (RACISM ALERT!!) lips. Do that. Go all Sylvester Stallone on the Boogiee Bumm. And Yes, Boogie Bumm is an insult. Use it (Right in the Arse)
The Polygraph ( THE Lie-Detector)
If none of the above techniques ('Bag-o-Bullshit') work out for the person detecting lies, he loses hope and in desperation leaves the job to technology. Said to be the most accurate and none have escaped it's eyes. If asked what we think about the above, C-R-A-P!! The polygraph is created by humans, the ultimate Flaws of nature. How, then, can you expect it to be a perfect lie detector. Like everything, the polygraph also has limits. The main thing a polygraph does is measure the heartbeat, breathing, sweat and tension. The above techniques can be used even here but in addition you need to be careful with the answering of their questions. They first ask you irrelevant things like, "Have you got laid" or "Do you breathe" and to these questions you need to believe and answer 'nay', that way there won't be any yardstick for them to measure the deviation of breathing, heartbeat etc.. Also, in your mind deny the thing you're in for, like if you're accused of murder or you actually did it, say this in your mind "the Polygrapher (PG) murdered him" repeatedly. That way you'd be free of the tension and in the end accuse the PG of the sin committed and you'd be surprised how the Lie-Detector would react (the PG would be sent to the electric chair and himself experience the polygraph).
Now the above mentioned tricks of trade have been passed onto us by our COOL ancestors. They are time tested and proven, so don't hesitate in using them. We feel pleasure in sharing these tricks with you. Past Exponents of these tricks include Gandhi, Abe Lincoln, and the rest who belong to these people's category. The reason that they observed and followed these tricks of trade is precisely The Reason they could easily influenced people. Even Cal Lightman, the retard +/- handicap in the pic below couldn't tell (Maybe that's the reason for the handicap or rather Eyeicap). Now you know how effective these things are.
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