Monday, May 23, 2011

From Ships to Beans....

Welcome aboard the newest ship S.S. Ann-Oye. The cruiser meant to Ann-oye anyone willing enough to board it. I'm the captain, Cpt. Jack's Marrow. What we have today on The D-Mail is a whole lot of fun to all those ready for it but remember, DO NOT try to make sense out of the following post, if you absolutely need to, Have two dozen aspirin flavoured paracetamols ready!!

People these days don't try out ships as much as planes and trains, reason: Titanic. Damn ass-olds!Did you know that the average ice-berg actually consist of meteors and alien DNA? I didn't know that, on account of, I just made that up. Why do you think this kind of posts still exists in our Blog, "The D-Mail". The answer would be, YOU!! With your pea-sized brains and your pint-sized eyes and your awfully 'all thumbed' hands, you people never give us feedback. Here we are working our asses out and making perfect every post (Read: Try. While you're looking up the dictionary, also Read: Homo-cide {can you? I don't think so, because such perfectly composed new words can only be found in The D-Mail}) and you people take pleasure from the posts but choose to ignore our feelings. We are people too, of course, we boast of not being humans and not being constrained by laws and rules, but we sure do have feelings. And my feelings tell me to quit The D-Mail, but still I continue, for all those who still view it, for I am a true humanitarian ( just like Vegetarian, Non-vegetarian; Humanitarian, on the same lines). Speaking of humanitarians, It was really unfair for Osama and, treacherous on the part of Obama. After all he did for the world, after being the only person who could stand up to bUSh and keep him straight and active all-term-long. A final salute to his deadlideadness, Mr. Osama bin Mohammed bin Awad bin Laden. R.I.P (Rest in Pieces)!

If my informant can be believed, USA is losing it's super power status and the real power is being shifted to the Caribbean, Reason: A certain drunken loopy-loony pirate, my nemesis, who has actually found the Fountain of the Wine of Sobriety (WTH)! My informant can never be right, possibly, because his surname is Depp (meaning: maladroit). BTW, I've been playing the wonderful game Project: I'm Going In (PIGI) and for the past eight rounds of ammo have been admiring the perfectness of the game. I mean to say that, where ever you shoot, you get the appropriate reaction and response of the pain. And as I said, 8 rounds of bullets and the bots' couldn't get their hands off their crotches, not that they have anything REAL around. But the sound effects and the way they kneel and die is truly inspirational, instead of making me a "TOP NOTCH SNIPER" its turning me into a "BOTTOM CROTCH BANGER" (no offence).

"I'm coming close to the end about now" said the ugly-old-bat-hitting Mr. Bean and I'm going to quote him, or rather I already did. I've been despired (opposite of inspired) by the above character for a long time. He's one hell of a buffoon. If you don't agree with me here, then the next senselessly long statement will make you agree with me, 'Mr. Bean is a lonesome loon who lives with his teddy in a land where banging the queen (with the head on the head; 'headbutt'ing is more deceptive ) and 'being immune to electric discharge in such an unusual way that all TV's and Electric devices go gaga over him' is considered quite normal and common; We have a whole lot of stale oyesters ready to be mixed with ENO in the tummy and a BLONDE lady obsessed with him in such a way that she confuses him to be normal enough to give out mixed signals that she wants a diamond ring, pointing at a PICTURE of it, while Mr. Bean is not confused but convinced that a lady of her stature and material would require that very PICTURE, of all the jewellery in the JEWELLERY store for Christmas.'

Ladies-fingers and Gen*talmen (oops), lets make it clear that the above long sentence is a grammatically correct sentence. If you think not then you'd know that "Wren & Martin" are crying out from their graves in vain. I am never Rong ( may be Wrung but never wrong). BTW, If you want to know more about english, then might I suggest, the previous 'Stochastic Envisages' post will do!! This is 'D' taking his leave, after a seriously large dose of Heroine (See I'm so High that I mispell and add Vovules *hick* I mean Vowels, where they don't belong).

Hugs and Kisses (For Females Only): ***...