Saturday, June 18, 2011


Believe it or not, here at the D-Mail, we believe in complete transparency (possibly, why we have no ladies over here). Hence, we shall share with you some important information about the blog. Now you all know how the Global Economic Meltdown has effected all of you. Fortunately it didn't effect us. But, we all know that THE Barack Obama (The Most Powerful Man on Earth A.K.A Black GO(l)D) has plans for everyone. He did have one, for us too.

Ever since Osama's death our businesses have taken a huge hit. There has been very less inflow of green stuff (the other kind - Cash) since 30 Navy Seals (Referred to some as the Super-30, also, The Infidels, like 'The Expendables') attacked him and killed him (Or did They?). Anyway, Since it has been difficult to maintain many of our assets [Shaving Creams are getting costlier ;) ] We decided to unload a few of them. And Hence, after hectic consultations with many people, mostly consisting of Teddies (Mr.Bean's's descendents), we decided it was for the better if we Partially Shut-down The D-Mail. This Shutdown, while being partial, will not result in the complete cessation of activity on the blog. You can always go through the Old posts etc. Anyway, For those of you who DO NOT want to know the reasons for this Shutdown, Read the Following.

We Are NOT Shutting Down because....

  • Lady Gaga is planning to visit India and we hope to watch her especially, being bald.
  • A Couple of Metal Birdies Crashed into our offices at the Banana Republic.
  • 2012 Is getting close and We're planning on the proceeds to end the world.
  • Justin Beiber acknowledges rumors about her Pregnancy with Selena Gomez.
  • Facebook may be about to shut down and we intend on Revenge.
  • And Most Definitely, We didn't intend on Shutting down because of, the coronation of a homonoid called William Arthur Philip Louis (The one in the middle of Middleton).
 Anyway, looking forward to see you soon, again.So until we meet again, I expect you would have used the RANDOM and RECOMMENDED POSTS buttons till the brink of their extinction. Also Last but not the least, The Legacy of The D-Mail shall continue forever, so don't even dare to change your allegiance to us!!

Hasta-la-vista, Bitchy Dogs. 

Saturday, June 11, 2011

The Great Indian Politricks (True Politics) !!

I have a dream....”, a famous speech by Martin Luther Jr. was like silver to Americans and Mankind alike (no distinction intended). But as silver as the message can be, In India however we prefer the Golden part of the proverb – Silence. Politics has been a much talked about and much silenced about topic all across India. We have tons of dailies yapping crap about this politician or that. As it is applauded for, it is also tabooed in some minds. Some Educated Bumpkins feel that it is wise not to get involved in the cut-throat (literally) politics of India, But we @ The D-Mail think otherwise. For it is wiser to run ourselves than let someone who can't even thumb-print their name, do so. My appologies to all those whom I have/ or am going to Humiliate/Insult/Unpant/Unskirt/Shame/Defame and also not to forget Mystify. I shall warn you, this post is gonna be slightly longer than the others, but entertaining in every para. So we welcome to you or rather welcome you to the Super Sly World of....

During the Medieval times, kings and emperors used to own vast areas of productive land which were rented out to the people, who lived peacefully and with fraternity. If these so called emperors were made to observe the present properties of Babus (Politicians), then they'll understand the importance of War and Bloodshed!

The average heads per Km. is 200, let's calculate that of the politico's lands:
10 Km. vs 3 members = 3/10 = 0.3
This diminutive number truly turns our national shame diminutive.

Everything has a Price. Period. You just need to know the number and even lions start squealing like rats! Competition helps you improve? Damn! If improvement means that of killing competitors, then India is surely Developing!

It is a true fact that the funds reached by a target (social service) organisation is inversely proportional to the number of ministers/officers heading it in hierarchy.

"10% Rule" explains the above statement, very clearly...
Suppose there are 10 ministers assigned a particular organisation's undertaking, and the funds directed is 10,00,000 units, then...

The numbers indicate the position of the minister. We see the higher politicians with the max CUT and the others reduce UNgradually. In the end, the amount received would be only 100.0000 units. The number of zeroes are the same but the relief actually received is pathetically low. Hey! look on the bright side, atleast the lower (4) politicians learn to share, Or maybe Not! That explains the variability of the real number of lower politicians...
Bullies, they say, are actually loners craving a place in the society. But such a place that the society itself becomes the victim, is sad enough NOT to be ignored! Never anticipated by the Scholars-of-Old, maybe they did and didn't care because, It was not them to be paying the price, but Us, the Scholars-of-New misusing the scholarship of the Voter-Id card for monetary benefits. Corruption in politics has taken such a lowly turn, that the GNP - Gross National Income is a sub-multiple of the PPP - Politicians' Private Pocket.
Ramchandra Guha once said that 'Being a Wicket Keeper (Cricket) is harder than being a Prime Minister (PM) of a coalition Government', Well Mr. Guha, You've unscrupulously insulted the Wicket Keeper. Because, Firstly, all a normal PM does is give orders (To Execute) and as for the coalition part, all he HAS to do is, again, give orders (To Execute). Indians have humiliated India, but set standards for world politics.

If you wish to become one among them, then ask yourself, "Do I have the Influence and Connections?", If your answer is NO, then flip coins and wait for one of them to fall on it's edge. If your answer is YES, then Please DO read and assess yourselves through these requirements of a REAL politician!

The 8 Requirements of a Politician are:

8) Must have atleast 3 professional, 5 unprofessional and 35 secret Body Guards and Henchmen to do personal deeds.

7) Has to know the way to dress up Dictatorship with Democratic Pants and Republic Undies.

6) Must be involved in atleast 2 national scandals or 1 International scandal. Extra points if it's Tiger-Woods Style!

5) Needs to know his way around the cities, lest he gets Found.

4) Must be able to provide Steady Flow of cash to Activists, Policemen and Judges.

3) At least one account in the Overseas "Privacy Respecting" Bank, must be possessed. Swiss ones are the latest fashion!

2) Must never get caught in a murder case. If you are, you deserve to be only the Chief Minister of a state and not anything better.

1) Must keep a mouth Open to Public Opinion and fist Closed to Public Welfare. 

Always remember, We have nothing against the present politicians of India or their allies. Our grudges are never partial, but they are directed towards ALL the politicians, Old and Older; and the other kind. The Banana Republic (Our residence) has two faithful citizens who are more than willing to do the above functions, Yours Truly(s).

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Smile for miles