Monday, October 10, 2011

The Stayer Magazine

We are getting (in)famous by the day. Somehow I have come to the conclusion that we are actually bigger than we think we are.

I picked up a magazine today morning, and No, it was not this month's Playboy edition, It was a Pilot Globe Guide. It spoke of around 15 countries, their cultures etc, it told me why I should be visiting Country 'X'. It only spoke of the good things in one's country. This got me thinking, why is there not a single list or a lo-down, if you will, telling you why you should not be visiting a country. Well, we here at The D-Mail are known for our Crazy, insane, deranged, unbalanced, maddening, guileful, stupid, benumbed, banal and superfluous ideas. (Sorry about that. I had to use this new thesaurus I bought So...). 

Here is the latest Beadroll or Lo-Down in Laidman's terms of why I would
not (I actually cannot, Travel-Ban.) go to these countries I chose. Yes!, I love them a lot and it is out of my love for them that I'm washing their dirty linen in public...

United States of America : 

Don't get me started on US. or I'll never stop;  I'm sure you've learnt a lot about the kind of people who exist in the states, because they were the ones who CREATED the word 'Wierdo(s)' and that's because they are. Extreme lack of Culture, Rationality and don't forget IQ. From hillbillies who can't even 'Pay' attention to No Good Jerks who Sue microwave companies for not having stated that 'Microwaves cannot be used to Dry Pets'; and the sad part is, They win (Again tells us something of Rationality and Stupidity). You find more deaths in America than any other Developed Country. I can give you, in writing, that If Einsten was born in America, then the world would have been a better place (Sans atom bombs and e=mc2). Not to forget, their lust for oil is far greater than that for  the other sex. Like I said, Weirdo(s)! and also, their love for Pot. Wasn't it John Lennon who said, "Peace, Love and Pot"....

United Kingdom :

"All hail the Queen, All hail the Queen;
Firmly glued to the throne, Since the Grass was Green!".

Now, Who'd want to live in a place where there's no place for 'The King and Queen live happily ever after...'. A place where some 'unique' women like blooody mary and Elizabeth I lived and another one does. I have nothing much against the place per se..with ofcourse a few many exceptions. The Naming system is something that still either makes me laugh my Gluteus Maximus off or just makes me puke. Did you know that there are more than a thousand Mr. Browns and Mr.Whites in the UK. That's not the funny part, the funny part is that Most of the Mr. Brown(s) are White and Most of the Mr.White(s) are, well...Black. Not just the people, even places have seriously funny names. Take Middlesex for example. The name is enough to scare away all the Men and Women and what're left are the Middle sex. If you thought that's all, then I WON'T encourage you further. I WON'T advise you to go to, either Bitchfield or Locksbottom. I tell you, DON'T Go to the UK; Their Flag is called the UNION JACK, for heaven's sake, DON'T go!

Pakistan :

"Here's a bomb, There's a bomb;
Bomb-Bomb everywhere"

This Bustling.. err... Read Bursting (Literally) is full of dead(ly) terrorists. This country took a beating during and after the economic slow down of 2008. Well, Of course as some would argue, "THEY DON'T HAVE A FRIGGIN ECONOMY!" I agree, with those people. The only thing they can be proud of in their country is that they produce the world's largest number of Terrorists. Also, According to The D-Mail's Think-Tank which tanked last year, the only thing stopping the U.S from invading this country is.... Well Guess what, Oil. Big Surprise! 
BTW, You'd find many things Cheaper in Pakistan when compared to many other countries, take for example, Bombs, Dynamite, C-4 etc.. all of this and more, would help you wage a war against your Mother-in-law..  
So, in conclusion, do visit this country but only if you want to be one of the world's most wanted man/woman (Definitely NOT the other kind)!

China :

"No room for more, so please don't come!!"

They all have the same freaking names. Common phrases in their names being Chong, Wong, Lee etc. You call for Mr. .... in a public place and they'll be a whole lot of people hovering around you like a bunch of flies around food. Another thing that pisses me off about this country is that they owe everything to 'Chairman Mao'. That brings me to the question of the day, "Who do Chinese guys owe themselves getting laid too..?" Read the first paragraph carefully and you'll know what the answer is.

I do have a whole lotta "love" for other countries, but let's just save it for another time. 
On a completely unrelated note, Steve Jobs passed away. We shall dedicate our next post to him even though it will not be about him. By the way, is it Supernal (Remember the Thesaurus..?) if my iMac's battery died at the same time I heard about Jobs passing away on the NEWS..? 

Anyway, That is it for me this time.(That was intentional, do this world a favor and don't think I made a mistake typing, "That is it from me this time").Do not feel shy to leave us feedback, good or bad, preferably good, Here!

See ya'll Suckers With my Next (dis) (piss)(mis)adventure...