Monday, September 24, 2012

How to Fool the Salesman

Face it, You've been there, I've been there. There's no end to Travelling Salesmen. No end to their techniques. Thousands are fooled and millions are pestered from their quiet evenings by these blood-sucking maggots. How many time d'you hear "Good Evening Sir, TODAY we're giving away free...." or "We're conducting a survey...."? The intention is to Surprise you or (in our words) BAIT you and when you fall for it, at the right time, they move in for the kill : "ALL this is complementary, you just have to buy..." or "This is a One Time offer for only....". I hope you get the gist of what I'm trying to tell you (even though it's more than that!). But today I didn't come here to give you a lecture. What I have is another LO-DOWN of Five Ways To Get Rid Of or Fool the Salesman or Woo-Man, as you like it. So let's just move to it.

5) Don't Let Him Get inside

Trust me on this, If you he can get inside your house, he'll probably get inside your mind too. Learn to say "NO", it's your house, say it the your way. Because once he's inside i.e., the fish has been hooked, Reeling you IN is almost inevitable. Be the bigger fish..I mean, Man and let go of the bait. Don't let him in, on the contrary Kick Him Out!

4) If You Can't Pay 'Em, Spray 'Em?

After a hard day's work you expect the house to be peaceful and quiet, and the last thing you want to hear is the door bell ring. If that happens often, I suggest you get a new door bell. This one should have a spray sound to it. And If my theory is right, Salesmen, like other blood sucking invertebrates can't stand the repellent sprays. OK I'm exaggerating a little bit, nevertheless I'm sure different kinds of door-bell sounds repel different salesmen, better still, No sound at all. If they keep pushing the button with no one responding they'll eventually Move-On.

3) Act Childish

Now I've mentioned above that one of the tactics of these maggots is to show you all the items you get Free and in the end reveal the expensive product that Has to be bought for those better freebies. So what I tell you is, Before he completes the sentence, "You receive complementary X, Y and Z. All you have to....", quietly pick X,Y,Z up, say your 'Thank You's and just shut the door. End of story.

2) Man's Best Friend 

Research states that having a dog in your front porch is definitely a deterrent for thieves. Now thieves and Salesmen, if look up our thesaurus, you'll find them grouped together. As I was saying, Dogs would definitely boost your health (and wealth). Might I suggest the the Tibetian Mastiff or the PitBull, perhaps both, cross-breedingly speaking.

1) Between A Rock And A Hard Place

Now comes the part where I tell you how to FOOL the Salesman. If you look closely you'd find out that the salesman is trying to SELL you a PRODUCT. All you have to do is identify it. Once you did that, the hard part is over, the easy part comes next: Google/Amazon search it and chances are Most Certainly you'll get a better offer. If you don't, You Saved a lot of money!

That's all for today's. If you want to know, "HOW TO FOOL THE CUSTOMER", I suggest you pay attention to apples, black berries and that Old McDonald my Uncle Sam Sung about.