Wednesday, April 9, 2014

LOST - Rewritten

The whole world is abuzz and curious to find out more about the Malaysia Airlines Flight 370. Every media source is on the job, sending their best journalists, Psychics and swimmers to the probable sites. What they don't know is that the plane crashed just on the outskirts of the Banana Republic, our home base. Now, after decades of keeping the spot a secret, secreter than the Bat-cave, which is still underground at 221B Boiler Street (Sorry Bats), we're under the moral and ethical dilemma. The question here is, should we announce the crash site of the plane and risk revealing our hide-out or should we keep calm and wait for our maid to sweep the debris under the carpet (Aladdin's a nice bequeather).

Well, while we brainstorm on that very essential third world problem, I suggest you read on to find out what might have happened to the MH370, That's right we don't know either. From what evidence we have at hand, we can only speculate. The so called black-box of the MH370 turned out to contain certain sounds which would require you to have adult supervision, for listening in. Let's just ignore that evidence and dive right into Why WE think the plane went 'astray'.

Well one of my double agents(conjoined twins) tell(s) me that the plane in question the MH370 was designed and manufactured in China by a company called "Grapple", which allegedly creates better iPhones than Apple, itself. My agent has also given me a detailed minority report of their revolutionary Stealth mode, in which the alleged plane allegedly shrinks in size to that of a bird or a bee. Unfortunately, a bat spotted it and forcefully made it join the Mile high club.

We can only make assumptions as to what actually happened. I for one, can't believe my double agents, After the recent whistle blowing by that Snowden guy, the NSA haven't been of much help to us. But Don't worry dear reader we have a more reliable source than any media house around, a four year old with a great imagination. Her name's Harriet the Sly. What little Harriet tells me is that not one but three Big-time companies are to blame, in sabotaging the flight: Facebook, Apple and Malay Call Center. 

Harriet's diary reads that the three occupants of the cockpit were conveniently distracted by the three companies in some way or the other. The Pilot of the Plane, was last seen updating his status using Siri. It read, "Luv D Weather, Trees swaying,  Birds flying, look! A pelican's greeting me. Hi little fello....", what happened next couldn't be recorded since the black box's flash memory was pulled out to play mp3s. Simultaneously, the Co-Pilot was reportedly HIGHly alert when an Apple employee jumped on him and threatened to sue him for using Curved Corners on the plane! The only one who was free on the plane was an Air-hostess who was bringing Coffee to the Cockpit. To the ill-luck of the Pilot and co-pilot she didn't know how to handle the situation and called the customer care number. Here's a detailed conversation between the Hostess and the CC.

CC: Welcome to Malaysian Airline Help desk, Dial "Satu" for Portuguese, For Japanese press "दो", and click  on "แปด" for Malay.

The Flight attendant could only say one word, which was universally understood by almost every language including the American Sign and the Australian Dingo viz., "F***!".


Well, It's too much to grasp, but I do have a simpler theory, assuming Harriet the Sly iSlying (You see what I did there), The Theory is two words long but can easily become widely acceptable: Apple Maps! The Airlines may have switched to using them as a cost-cutting increasing measure.

What happened next is known to y'all. They fell on our turf. It's now up to us to either shift our base or secretly push the plane to another country, It'll be either Iran or Somalia, we're gonna use an FB poll to decide. Keep tuning in. Ciao!

Guys, No offence. We don't intend on hurting any sentiments. Peace :)