- How about a President who is rapper? (YES WE CAN Rap!)
- A dictator who was a former supermodel? (PLEASE!)
- Maybe a Prime Minister who was once a weed dealer (once a dealer, always a dealer)
- The Musician: DO YA WANNA ROTI KAPDA MAKAAN or DO YA WANNA ROCK?” is a great way to begin your rallies. You could also write soothing lyrics to try & numb the pain of the woman in labor who has to walk 35 kms to get to a primary health care center. Or worse, you could start off your election rally with a song that has lot of screeching and heavy vocals which could make a few in the crowd go “Mata chhad gayi hai ise”
ProTip: Never make objectionable statements like ‘Woman shouldn’t wear this or that ‘(If you don’t like them wearing something, tell them they look fat in it).
- The Magician: “AND NOW FOR MY LAST TRICK, WATCH ME DISAPPEAR AFTER ELECTION DAY” is a nice pitch to an electorate. They are already used to something similar. What works in your favor is that you could also siphon off a lot of public funds without anyone taking notice, cause “magic” you know. Hell! You could use your magic to bribe that opponent on one of those TV debates. I recommend that trick where you… *endless string of black-money start pouring out of my sleeve*
ProTip: Always pull rabbits out your hat and opinions out of your ass.
- The Porn-Star: “I HAVE SOMETHING OTHER THAN MONEY AND ALCOHOL TO GET YOU TO VOTE FOR ME!” will make the voters go “is he/she/it saying what I AM thinking?” Don’t tell em’, keep em' dirty minds guessing. And hey, listen, I bet every voter takes pride in the fact that they can shag off to your hoardings around the constituency.
ProTip: Do not have anything resembling a stick as your symbol
- The Actor: “***INSERT A VERY FILMY DIALOGUE HERE***” You’re already experienced in fleecing the public at large when you first started acting in movies, with scripts your 4 year old nephew wrote. You know the ones that blew up the box office and made your MMS scandal worth the while. This is a REALLY huge advantage for you. Your thoughts on policy making, international affairs etc are of no use.